Pot of Gold

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Waseem: Against odds...

There are times in life, when you find yourself in situations that you don’t really want to be in. There are places you don’t want to be, and circumstances that are less than favourable.

There are moments when you just have to ride it out and hope the discomfort goes away on its own. There are no solutions. No easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it all to subside.

And of course, most of the time, the pain can be managed. What makes it okay, is how you counteract it. How you rise above, and make the situation something better than it is. How you can actually turn the whole thing around to actually be to your benefit.

The truth was, although this had become my life for the past week; I hated hospitals.

I really did. It just brought out that whole dull and dreary mood, and made me feel like everything was just a little more hopeless than it really was.

The fluorescent lighting… The serious faces… The rushing around. It just wasn’t my thing.

And of course, though I had to be there, I tried to spend as little time as possible around the mainstream. So of course, anyone can imagine my annoyance when I had to rush back in, sooner than I had intended.

With Raees dropping a comment that annoyed the heck out of me, I was in  I wasn’t ever the type of guy to just ignore a stupid and potentially threatening comment, and just see what happened. I couldn’t just let it be.

Actually, to my surprise, I was raging inside. The fury was bubbling over like a boiling kettle, but I was trying to keep my composure as best I could because I knew that going even slightly off-focus and erupting at that moment would do no good.

“Hey!” I shouted, rushing behind him in a sort of frenzy. I felt just slightly out of synch with my usual self.

And of course, because I had shouted a little louder than I had wanted to, a few unwanted looks strayed my way as I briskly walked forward to where he was. He was walking fast, and I knew he was avoiding me after his little outburst.

Coward, I thought to myself, getting suddenly even more irritated by his behaviour.

Overcome with emotion for a few seconds, I spontaneously lunged forward as I finally approached him, grabbing him roughly by the back of his collar, realising almost immediately that it might have not been the best thing to do in the situation.

Crap.

From psycho chaser to violent assaulter… I wasn’t exactly creating a good impression for those around.

He jerked back as I yanked him, rubbing his neck emphatically for effect, and making the whole thing more dramatic than it really was. I immediately narrowed my eyes at him.

“What is your deal, bru?” I asked, lowering my voice, really confused about why he was being so hostile.

I mean, I was married to Zaynah. She was my wife. Why would I leave her now, when I knew she would need me the most?

Raees just smiled a weird smile, and shrugged.

“Don’t worry,” he said breezily, almost as if he was a different guy to the one I had spoken to a few minutes ago. “Just take it easy, bru.”

It was almost patronising, and shook my head at this spontaneous change. At first, I was confused, but as he put his hand out to tap me on the back, I realised exactly what this was. Raees was basically the King of Pretense.

I actually couldn’t believe it. What he was up to right now, was just a big facade. Looking up, I could clearly see that Saleem Khakha was just a few meters away, and I got the entire picture in just a glimpse. Any obscure behaviour from this dear nephew would put Raees in the ugly spotlight.

Now, instead, I was the one people were looking at weirdly.

What an idiot. My dislike for him immediately increased.

I wanted to make sure that he didn’t go anywhere near Zaynah, but I scowled and shook my head to myself, just wanting to get out of this craziness for a little while longer. I knew that I would have to watch out for this guy, but I didn’t know yet what his true potential was.

People were still watching me as I walked out, dipping my head even lower out of slight embarrassment. I had really caused it, and I glimpsed another face I knew now watching me closely as I tried to just slip out of there. Immense regret filled my heart.

I wanted to kick myself. My past. Every now and again, much to my displeasure, it resurfaced.

You see, if you had met me in the past, or even knew who I was, it would probably be a difficult thing to believe the change that I had actually been through. Before I had decided to change my life, all I was, was a party animal who craved attention. I would purposefully put myself in situations to get into the spotlight and be a main man. I would even go to extreme measures just to score with girls.

And then, of course, the girl of my dreams and wife had come into the picture, and I wanted to see the other side of life. I wanted more. I wanted to change my entire existence. So I tried to cut everything off, including the people I had met and been with in the past.

And now, being in a messed up frame of mind, and seeing this girl again, all I saw was my past. I saw what I hated, and what I had wanted to leave behind. What they remembered me to be.

And it hurt me when I thought about it, because I knew that at that moment, there really was no hope for me if I hadn’t been saved. At that time, there was probably no-one more sinful than what I was.

And as a sin should hurt a person, and not feel content when one thinks of it, thinking of my past was like a knife severing through my body, every time I would recall it. I wondered what Zaynah would say if she knew exactly how caught up I had been. How bitter my past really was.

I breathed out, my finally heart steadying because too much had happened in a matter of just a short time. I closed my eyes, trying to block it all out. I just wanted to forget.

Just for now. I didn’t want to even think.

I dug hastily in my pocket, just needing a distraction from everything that was going on. Right at the bottom, I could feel the slightly weighty object that I reached for, examining it for a few seconds before I started moving it beads.

It was like I could still picture Zaynah holding it in her slender hand, constantly absorbed, because it would kill her to waste time if she went anywhere without it.

Zaynah’s tasbeeh was like her handbag. She never left home without it.

And of course, I never did understand the value because I was ignorant. It fascinated me that she would sometimes take it out in the most unassuming places, and I couldn’t help but ask her why. I mean, it wasn’t that it annoyed me, but I couldn’t understand she just couldn’t chill out.

“Sweets, talk to me,” I would say to her, and she would smile and put it away for a few minutes, engaging me just so I could be content with her meagre conversation.

And then, of course, if would come out again, and I couldn’t help but reach for her hand to take it.

“No-one does this at a romantic restaurant on a night out,” I had once said crossly, frowning as I wound it around my own fingers. It was one of our few nights out, and I really just wanted her to give me her undivided attention.

“Yes, I know. I’m sorry,” she said, genuinely apologising.

I was still sulky, wondering if she didn’t enjoy being with me. I didn’t realise that it was so much more than that.

Of course, I was so off-track. That had been my main problem. Deen and ‘life’, as I knew it, were completely separate entities for me. I didn’t merge the two until Zaynah showed me how. When you realised that Deen is part and parcel of your being, then everything is done with Allah in mind. When you learn to put Deen first, then Allah’s name becomes your every breath. Your heart becomes immersed in only Him. And that was how it was for her.

She had laughter in her eyes as she remembered my sulky face, later that night . I couldn’t help but grin at the memory too.

“I was just investing gold,” she said, grinning back at me.

I looked at her, a little confused. The gold? The gold.

I mean, I had already found the gold when I married her. I was endowed with love for her. And then, of course, as usual, she just had to say something to blow me away.

“Don’t you think,” she said, looking at me mysteriously. “That in a place where no-one is remembering our Lord, and if we are amongst the few who do…. Then don’t you that think our value immediately increases?”

I raised my eyebrows, just slightly overwhelmed by what she was saying. And then, of course, all I could think to myself was.

SubhaanAllah.

A Sahabi once said, “O Rasulullah (Sallallaho alaihe wasallam), I know that the commandments of Shariat are many, but of these tell me the one that I may practice assiduously throughout my life.” The Prophet (Sallallaho alaihe wasallam), replied, “Keep your tongue always moist (i.e. busy) with the ‘Dhikr’ of Allah.

Indeed, that was the gold. That was how you can turn any situation around.  I didn’t know where she even got such insight from, but my wife was really on an entirely different level to me. I had no idea how I had even landed her.

It was still beyond my comprehension. In such a short time, she had been so much to me… Given so much. My heart sank, remembering her current condition. What would I do without her?

“Why so glum, bru?”

The voice cut through my thoughts, halting them immediately.

I already knew who it was before I looked up.

Ziyaad had this annoying habit of asking stupid questions, when most of the time, he would already knew the answers to them.

I looked up not to see one, but two of my brothers watching me carefully. The one had a stupid grin on his face, and the other was looking at me slightly sympathetically.

Surprisingly, Zaheer was looking in a better frame of mind to Ziyaad. He was actually donning quite a beard for himself, and was behaving more like his old self than I had seen in ages. Ziyaad, on the other hand, even with his kurtah and now full beard, looked a bit of a wreck. There was just something about his blood-shot eyes and quirky grin that gave me an icky feeling.

“You need anything?” My newly named brother, Zaheer, asked awkwardly, stepping forward as Ziyaad stepped back and looked around.

Things between us weren’t the same, but I knew that he was trying to make it better. Besides mending his relationship with me, I could practically witness his life slowly changing.

Nowadays, I saw him at the Masjid for every Salaah, and even sitting behind if there was a talk or Majlis of any sort. He was even getting better than me in that regard, and I actually loved the change I saw in my older brother. It was quite something to see guidance find it’s way in, and I just hoped that it would last.

“I’m fine,” I assured him, giving him a slight nod, and looking away. It was still a bit awkward.

Ziyaad was usually the ice-breaker, but he had sauntered off, and I could see him approaching a vending machine nearby. I wasn’t sure if he really wanted something, or if the chic nearby had lured his Nafs there. With Ziyaad, you just never know.

I shook my head, noticing someone getting off a car at the front of the hospital entrance. The car looked slightly familiar, and I frowned slightly, trying to look into the driver’s seat to figure out it’s owner.

But before I could do any of that, as my eldest brother stood next to me, lo and behold, a woman clad in full Abaya stepped out. Now, I probably wouldn’t have noticed her if my brother wasn’t staring so hard. Only then, did I see the designer heels that she had clad, and her matching handbag. Obviously, I looked away almost immediately, wanting to kick Zaheer for looking so hard.

He was actually slowly moving forward as I tried to basically stare him into checking himself, and I could see this whole thing ending in disaster as he took another step forward, almost as if he was mesmerised. The woman, I could see from a glimpse, just stood awkwardly, well aware that my brother was completely fixated on her. It was just really uncomfortable, for those few moments.

I wanted to cover my eyes. I mean, couldn’t he just be a little less obvious?

It was honestly a ‘cant-watch’ moment as he took yet another step forward, and I was ready to literally yank him back before I heard him murmur something almost inaudible.

And then, of course, as he sped forward, before I could even tell him to just cool off and not make the situation more awkward, my brother had already reached her, and as I looked almost unbelievably, I realised exactly who it was.

There are times in life, when you find yourself in situations that you don’t really want to be in. There are places you don’t want to be, and circumstances that are less than favourable.

And then, of course… There are moments that you just wait for, hoping with every inch of your entire being that it will all just turn out okay. Moments that, sometimes, just make you want you drink them in, because they’re what we live for. After a long road of loss, gain, failure, success, and so many mistakes—There finally are moments that just capture you in a way that you wait for and inwardly crave… To create a new beginning, or to give us a new hope. To show us that maybe there really is that pot of gold, at the end of it all.

Right then, unbelievably, none other than my brother’s long estranged wife stood there, making her appearance in a way that he would probably never forget.

Well, it was a moment that kind of made our day.

Aasiya was back.


Please don’t forget our Super Sunnahs!

Beautiful Sunnah 

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said:

“Nothing is worse than a person who fills his stomach. It should be enough for the son of Adam to have a few bites to satisfy his hunger. If he wishes more, it should be: One-third for his food, one-third for his liquids, and one-third for his breath.”

Tirmidhi & Ibn Majah

We will be doing more eating and drinking Sunnahs Insha Allah.

#RevivetheSunnahofEating

#RevivetheSunnahofDrinking

#Revive theSunnahofSpeakingGood

#RevivetheSunnahofSmiling

#RevivetheSunnahofMiswaak

#RevivetheSunnahofDu’aas

Tweet: @ajourneyjournal

 

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8 thoughts on “Pot of Gold

  1. سبحان الله
    Beautiful post with beautiful reminders ما شاء الله
    جزاكم الله خيرا
    For the lovely enlightening post and super sunnah reminders

    Liked by 2 people

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