Bismilllahir Rahmaanir Raheem
Okay. So maybe I shouldn’t have interfered. I know. It was just pure Zee nature to, but sometimes it’s not always the best option to stick your nose in business that doesn’t concern you.
But there’s always an opposing view to every situation. Everyone likes to think that they are right.
The nagging factor here was: Did it really not concern me? I mean, it was right in front of me, and I could see that something clearly funky was going on. I mean, the minute I spot someone I vaguely recognise, of course my senses get slightly more heightened than before. And then, of course, when I realise something was clearly wrong with the scene, I knew I couldn’t just walk away.
We all got caught up. They say that the nature of this world is such, that anything for the sake of Deen becomes difficult, when we are consumed by it. This world is a series of luring and enchanting hints and charms, that can get us to think that whatever is right now, is forever. We see the way the western world portrays the glory of sin. The glory of luxury. The glory of a world where everything looks so peachy only from the outside.
And just like there’s something always off-base about the fantasy world, something just wasn’t right with this scene. I knew it as I held in my breath just after I said the words to halt it, hoping to dissolve the tension in the air.
“Bru,” I said now, offering a small smile now. “Relax with the lady… People are getting worried.”
It was true. And even though it might have been seriously delayed, bur when all I got was a furious stare back at me, then I kind of realised that I should back off.
And then, without any actual warning, a sudden stinging on my right hand side was a wake up call to my senses.
So much for being the knight in shining armour. It was a serious anti climax.
I instinctively flexed my hand and dropped the tasbeeh Waseem had gifted me back into my pocket, but it wasn’t soon enough. I was still trying to figure out what I had done wrong, when I heard the impact of the blow to my face before I even felt it. I widened my eyes at the effect of what had just happened, only realizing a few seconds after that I had, most definitely, been targeted right in the face. Although I wasn’t being entirely superficial, I really hoped that I didn’t have anything to show for it as I immediately reached up my hand to feel the spot where the burning was.
I looked almost begrudgingly at the guy I recognized from our last visit to Waseem’s in-laws, wondering what on earth was wrong with him. In all fairness, I knew I could have hurt him back, but I really didn’t want to go there. Besides, who knew what would happen to the chic in question if I had to start a full-blown fight. The Zee was just starting to kill the reputation that I had earned for myself all these years, and despite his assault, I actually felt sorry for the guy as I literally saw the steam draining from his face, when he realised that he might have taken my little intervention a little too far. He was at least slowly calming down after his attack, and I took it as an opportunity to knock some sense in.
I sucked my breath in, killing the urge to hit him back, trying to see the bigger picture here.
There was a girl a few meters behind him, looking hesitantly at us both, and the other girl, who I knew was his sister, was just looking plain angry. I mean, I didn’t blame her. All this extra drama was revolving around her, and from the time I had first laid eyes on her, those two or so odd years ago, I realised that she wasn’t exactly the type who loved attention. Strange for a chic, but precisely what I had been taken aback by before when my spirits were too high and my gaze was never controlled.
Now, a little wiser and more in control, I kept my gaze lowered and actually held myself from looking up as I spoke.
“I can see there’s a problem here,” I said quietly, not wanting to draw more attention to us. “So I just wanted to help. But if you’ll can both assure me that it’s all okay…”
Of course, it clearly wasn’t.
“I don’t want to go with them,” was all I heard, and I immediately knew that something was wrong within the dealings here. The other girl was looking seriously awkward as she stood there, and I immediately put two and two together to get the idea that this whole thing was just really uncomfortable.
I always thought this guy was one of those hectic types, but as I watched his sisters disapproval, I realized that he had probably got caught up.
Yes. We all got caught up. We know that this world is a series of luring and enchanting hints and charms, that can get us to think that whatever is right now, is forever. We see the way the western world portrays the glory of sin. The glory of luxury. The glory of a world where everything looks so peachy only from the outside.
But what we don’t see is the behind the scene junk of how messed up it really is. The abuse, alcohol and drug addictions. The constant chase for something more, that obviously cannot fill that deep hole in the gut. The emptiness that lingers, as long as that life continues, just gets worse as time goes on. Eventually, what seemed like a fairytale to the world had become a sudden nightmare instead. That was how it all went down, when you are consumed with what the western world has made us believe. There’s no helping it because in the books and movies, it all looks so pretty. The ugly reality is that it is only part of this world. Temporary. Unsatisfactory.
And of course, this world is also just what Allah tells us it is. An extremely breath-taking, beautiful lie.
And I would have thought that these people, whom I had categorized into the wiser type that I had never known as I grew up, would be the ones who would know the truth, but I supposed you can’t judge people from how they grew up.
As I could hear a change of tone and quiet muffling, I knew that I probably wouldn’t get much joy out of the situation than already was. The aggression had eased, and I heard the two siblings talking slightly more calmly about plans and what the problem really was, I knew I could actually excuse myself and be on my way. No need to wait around, because as an elderly man walked up who looked like he was family, and I knew that it was my cue to walk away. This was no longer my concern.
And of course, with a slight feeling of emptiness lingering within, as I got into my car, I couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty.
Not because I had stared at the bombshell girl like the old Zee would, because it was only through the grace of my Rabb that I hadn’t taken advantage of the situation.
The guilt here, stemmed purely because of my thoughts and memories. Like it was for the people I had just met, there was a time when life was much more promising for me. When I was also caught up, and could have taken a different way out,
I wish that I could turn and re-live it. Memories. Thoughts. How life could have been different. How I could have changed everything that had happened with Farah. How I could have had a different life to what I had now.
But of course, what had happened was always what was meant to. There was no questioning or preventing what had already occurred. It was all within Divine Decree, and the plan for what lay ahead.
Right now, I knew that although I hadn’t completely failed Farah in marriage, when it came to the present, I could still make effort. Maybe, with Farah’s death, I had always undermined what I could still do. Maybe even in death, it all wasn’t the end all and be all.
With that in mind, I drove, for the first time to the graveyard that Farah was buried at, knowing that there were still things that I hadn’t yet faced.
I parked off, not allowing my thoughts and racing mind to get the better of me as I tried to locate the place I remembered where we had buried her. I reached the grave with slight hesitation, knowing that her family had probably been here many times before I had decided to come back.
Guilt plagued me, and my breath was shaky as I walked the distance to the grave, mentally kicking myself for being so terrible. So distant.
Farah did try. Although we were struggling at the end, it wasn’t her fault that we just weren’t meant to be. I wasn’t sure why I had taken so long to do it, but being here finally released me from all those shackles that seemed to be binding me. Being here, where I knew I should have come ages ago, made me remember the reality of what lay ahead for every one of us. It also made me remember that once upon a time, though it might have been wrong, I tried to right something that had got really messed up. Maybe that was all I needed to remind myself that there was still hope out there. That I could actually move forward without guilt. That maybe, somewhere far ahead, there was a brighter future ahead.
I crouched down, my hands delving into the soil that I remembered throwing into the grave all those months ago. I could smell it’s dampness, which was evident of the late summer rains we had during the past few days. I could almost even hear Farah’s voice, as if prompting me… And then, of course, I remembered to do what I knew I should have come here to do a long time ago.
I raised my hands in Du’aa, praying for not only her, but even myself, as we each embarked on our separate journeys. Hers was a new one, which she would face alone, but at each interval that I passed in my journey, I knew that I could remember her and at least send something that might make a difference to those who had passed on. It was the only thing that we could ever pass on , and the dwellers of the graves await the prayers of those who came to pass on their gifts of Qur’an and Du’aa.
‘Aa’ishah (RA) was reported to have said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) went out one night, and I sent Bareerah to follow him and see where he went. She said, ‘He went towards Baqee’ al-Gharqad [the graveyard in Madeenah], and he stood at the bottom of al-Baqee’ and raised his hands, then he went away.’ Bareerah came back to me and told me, and when morning came I asked him about it. I said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, where did you go out to last night? He said, ‘I was sent to the people of al-Baqee’, to pray for them.’”
I finally placed my hands down, knowing that it would be getting dark soon, but promising myself that I would come back in a few days. A little overcome by emotion, I trudged slowly to the car, forgetting for a moment about everything in this world except for the cutter-off of pleasures.
It’s where our mind should be focussed at most times, but we refused to acknowledge that the end was definitely coming, whether we were prepared for it or not. I shook my head to myself as I started the car, the realisation hitting me now harder than ever before. That was why visiting the graveyards was such a huge requirement. It was the only thing that gave you the kind of awakening that only death could.
A small buzz from within the centre consol of my car jerked me out of my thoughts, as I tuned back to the events of this life. I hastily pusher the flap to open, seeing missed calls from my brother, and a few new messages showed on the screen. As soon as I saw them, a feeling of anxiety coupled with obvious excitement crept in, as the reality of what was happening set in.
It was time. Muhammed needed me. I knew that I was probably the only guy who was around for him, and my brother just needed me there. It was a little early, but the news that a new life was on its way here was something I needed to get my focus on again.
Amidst the pungent emotions and memories that surfaced when I thought of my own son, I didn’t dwell on it, because I knew that this little person- a new life- would probably bring a new beginning for us all.
Next post may be a little delayed, so I apologise in advance.
Please Don’t forget our Super Sunnahs!
Nabi ﷺ said, “He who has taken food and says at the end: ‘Al- hamdu lillahi-lladhi at’amani hadha, wa razaqanihi min ghairi haulin minni wa la quwwatin (All praise is due to Allah Who has given me food to eat and provided it without any endeavour on my part or any power),’ all his past sins will be forgiven.” (Tirmidhi)
SubhaanAllah. Let’s try and observe the Sunnah Duaas of eating InshaAllah.
Maut!! A reality no one can deny.. soo beautifully written.. Allah reward you for your effort.. aameen..
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Very true… JazakAllah sister 🌸
Hehe, the part were ziyaad thinks nabila doesn’t like attention 😁😁, if only you knew who’s attention she wanted,
Visiting the graveyard is an eye opener, remembering death and thinking of what’s coming ahead is vital, jazakumullah khair for an excellent post👌
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Aameen, JazakAllah sisters 🌺
Waseems not there to see his new little niece or nephew!
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Loved the reminder at the graveyard… May death become a reality which we carry in our hearts and may it be a beautiful end for us-ameen
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May Allah awaken us to the reality of death… Aameen !