Significant Secrets

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem


There’ll be moments in your life when you’ll wonder if you’ve done the right thing. When you have second thoughts. There’ll be moments, when no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that it’s all going to be okay, you still feel like the universe is spinning out of control.

And of course, I wasn’t immune to worry. I was scared too. I was scared that maybe… just maybe… I had made the wrong choice. Maybe I was too young. Maybe I had been too impulsive.

And then, just for a split second, I couldn’t help but ask myself; what on earth were you thinking?

But, life’s funny sometimes. We find happiness in unexpected places. We find our way back to the things that matter the most. The universe is funny that way; it just has a way of making sure we wind up exactly where we belong.

The thing is, there is way more beyond the obvious. Allah knows why your heart turned, why you chose something you didn’t expect or why something didn’t come your way. He knows what you don’t see ahead. He can see it, and He knows a bigger picture… something bigger that He is protecting you from.

So, if the one you wanted to marry was taken away from you… Allah knows what He saved you from. Maybe he wasn’t the right person. Maybe it wasn’t the right time. Maybe through the one that ‘got away’, you would have distanced yourself further from your Creator, just to attain that out-of-a-movie kind of love. In your eyes, that person may have been the Mr Perfect for you, but Allah can see beyond your broken heart, when things take a turn for the worst…

That’s the beauty of doing things for the pleasure of Allah alone. You don’t think beyond it. As long as it is to attain His love  and His mercy… every other question is answered. Every requirement is met.

And of course, sometimes you just get caught unaware, when it comes to Allah’s amazing ability to show His wisdom, like I was on the day of my Nikah. The truth was, when I resorted to my Musallah (prayer mat), it wasn’t to show any act of piety. It was because at that moment, I was sinking into despair.

I really didn’t know what else to do. It was a terrible secret that I didn’t want to divulge. And then, as Aadam took a seat next to me, and poured his own heart on the Musallah (prayer mat), just as I was doing a few moments before… it was like all the scattered puzzle pieces suddenly found their matches once again.

He looked at me for a second with that intent gaze that Danyaal sometimes had, and then looked down again.

His hair was covered by a grey topee (prayer hat) and he ran his hands through his beard as I watched him from the corner of my eye, close his eyes pensively, and then raise his hands in front of him without another word.

Oh Allah,” he started shakily with great concentration. “Today you have given us the purest of gifts. Forgive us for our wrong-doings. Perfect our faith, as today… we have fulfilled a major part of it. Bless us with rainbows of happiness… with showers of blessings… floods of laughter… and insurmountable love… Oh Allah, grant us that which is Halaal and pure and good for us. May our days be long… may they be seasoned with faith… Oh Allah, strengthen this bond with Your love and make it a means of attaining You. You are everything, Allah. We are nothing. Without You, we are truly lost. Today is the beginning of the rest of our lives. I ask of You only Allah… through this bond, through Your guidance… we choose to spend today, and all of our tomorrows together… never to walk out… never to give up… till Jannah that we pray with utmost sincerity… you will bless us with…”

And as his voice halted and the Du’aa concluded, his very words summed it all up for me. At that moment, I couldn’t help but understand the great wisdom in what Allah had planned for me. And then of course, as Yunus rapped on the door with great urgency, I couldn’t help but think …

Of course, even at the most sublime moments, there had to be a hitch.

“It’s Hannah,” he said stealthily, his eyes wide. “She’s here.”

And of course, at first I couldn’t believe it. Hannah had arrived with a vengeance, was planted in front of Rubeena’s husband, and yelling her head the man, who I was later told looked like he wanted to make a run for it.

And of course, the entire house was outside gawking at the spectacle, and it was just as well that Yunus had called me, because I could see Ahmed’s newly composed nature slowly dwindling as he witnessed what was going on… and I mentally prepared myself for it too.

And getting ready to face Hannah, in her fit of rage, it was so difficult not to judge her. Yes, she had hurt me. Yes, she had done terrible things along the way. Yes, I truly believed that she deserved every single kick-back that life had given her… but in all honesty, it didn’t mean that I was right.

What was that saying?

Treat cruelty with kindness. Right?

And the treatment is not just a means to an end. When done effectively, the treatment can actually serve as a cure..

Of course… I still couldn’t believe that Hannah had turned up… and her coming was such an unwelcome surprise that I couldn’t help but get a little worked up about it…

Until I got downstairs with Aadam in quick pursuit, only to realize that all that internal venting was in vain because she had just left … with Rubeena’s husband in tow.

And amidst the brutal onslaught that must have taken place, to my right, as I caught sight of the two figures standing there, my heart contracted. Danyaal and Dayyaan stood there in bewilderment… and knowing that they were subjected to that was disturbing.

My heart sank to my toes.

How parents can mess a kid up, and the hurt that they cause to an innocent child within their own incompetence as adults, was unquestionable. The most unsettling ache was truly believing that it is your fault. Believing that everything that was happening was because as a child, you were just in the way.  Because you didn’t listen. Because you had a big mouth. Just because… you were being a kid.

I never wanted Danyaal and his brothers to ever feel that way.

And that’s when I knew I couldn’t just let this go. Rubeena was in tears. Nusaybah was in shock, and Ahmed… well… Ahmed, like his old self, looked like he wanted to kill someone.

After everything, she thought that she deserved to be heard.

Today was the day, whether I liked it or not, that I had to be tough… I had forgotten… after all this time.

The flickering flame still burned on within the heart of a broken warrior. Even the most vicious of set-backs can never extinguish a burning desire. As her horse caved beneath her, the Byzantines were already onto her, capturing her and bringing her back to their camp, where she was put in a prison tent with another group of Arab women who had been captured earlier in the campaign. The Byzantine leader had happened to see Khawlah, and gave orders for her to be brought up his tent later that night. There are claims that the leader of the army had planned to marry her and make her the first lady of Damascus after his defeat of the Muslim forces.

Proudly and furiously, she decided that she would rather die than to live as this man’s companion. This was no ordinary warrior. Without a doubt, no way was Khawlah going to surrender without a fight. Her tactics were recorded in history as she is reported to have gathered the women together to devise a most skillful plan in attaining victory.

Of course, with Allahs help, it was most successful. The women valiantly fought their way out using the poles of the tent, escaped across the battlefield to allied lines, and made it onto safer territory… with the blood of over 30 Byzantine men on their hands. 

And of course, all this would not have been if this heroine had not risen up after being conquered. If she had lay there defeated, after her fall, Khawlah would have been pray to the wolves. She rose up… she fought… she conquered…. and she made a legendary name for herself that women throughout history look up to, just because she was so extraordinary….

And no, I wasn’t scared.. Despite the odds, and despite her continuous strife in bringing me down… I knew that somehow, there had to be a way out. A way out that would make itself known to me when as time went on…

And just as suddenly as everything had been turned upside down, with Hannah coming to rattle our resolve… the evening was soon coming to a close.

Aadam was, in all fairness,  a little perplexed by the events.  He was furious at Ruby, but in all honesty, she didn’t foresee this.

And I understood. I knew what she wanted for her kids, and I knew that she needed him to be there for her too. I just hoped that there was a solution here. Shabeer looked like he still had a lot of baggage from Hannah to deal with, and I wasn’t sure how they were going to work through this.

And of course, despite the feelings that Hannah had brought when she had come… there was a tremendous hope that bloomed in the horizon. When things are done in the right way, no matter what setbacks may come to throw you off, inevitably, everything just falls into place. A little turbulence was always expected.  I was so glad when Aadam too simmered down and forgave his sister when he saw how much effort she had put into making the small supper beautifully simple and conservative, just the way he had requested.

Despite the little thorns that had made their way into our little rose bed since inception, I was simply in awe of what I had been given. I simply couldn’t have asked for a better husband.

He was so easy. Humorous. Patient, understanding, and best of all, there was a quality within him that triumphed all. The fact is that when you finally taste the perfection of Deen, after being starved for so long, you become insatiable. Having newly discovered a light that had been buried somehwhere in the dark, Aadam was so passionate about bringing it into his life in every aspect, that he simply amazed me.

The fact is, as what we think are ‘regular’ Muslims, we forget that  our daily life and our faith are not two separate entities. And I never expected it if this guy who had just recently seen the light, but as I saw more and more of Adams ethics and demeanor, despite the great recognition he had on an international level for what he did in his profession… what he displayed was a unfiltered and beautiful version of Islam that would sway even the hardest of hearts.

We forget that we are the symbols of the most beautiful faith. We forget that we have to represent our beliefs in whatever we do. Whether it be leisure or work… The character that we show in the business world, no matter what profession you are in, is that which can turn hearts and completely change one’s perception of Islam.  It could bring someone else onto the path of Deen.

As for our marriage and everything that came with it, he held fast to the the notion that there was no rush and everything would happen at its own pace.

Live in the moment. That’s what Aadam went by, well before he met me…

And of course, every ‘first’ with Aadam was a beautiful adventure, and for our first ‘date’, as Aadam called it, his game plan was an experience I could never forget. I couldn’t help but admire the beautiful greenery that surrounded the suburb and of course, humored me with little snippets from his life as we made our way, and then melted my heart when he opened the door for me like a real gentleman… honestly, just seeing the reality of this man was an episode on its own.

I almost forgot that I was supposed to be nervous. The lift moved upwards almost in slow motion, and as I awaited the sight of his apartment, which was making me really curious over the past week we had been married, instead, the elevator halted right at the rooftop, catching me slightly unawares. And as the doors slid open, I could barely digest it’s amazement. I stood almost like a statue, gaping ridiculously at the beauty of the setting ahead that swept me away to somewhere near cloud nine.

Amidst the escaping horizon, were beautiful wooden benches, topped with an array of the most gorgeous potted flowers. It’s colors… mesmerised me, as I stared at Allah’s beauty amidst the imminent sunset. From pink tulips to yellow daffodils… It wasn’t just a feast for the eyes, but the sight that was spread before me made my heart leap with joy. How did he even know how obsessed I was with flowers? 

Like a secret garden, fairy lights, in their twinkly beauty, hung from branches of tiny potted trees. The terraced walls were adorned with a thick layer of delighted creeper, and as my eyes made their way through all the overwhelming amazement, they finally settled on the most beautiful two-seat swing that stood at the corner, overlooking the most spectacular of scenery.

“Welcome to the garden,” Aadam’s low voice  cut through my thoughts, with a small smile. “It’s a bit of an apology, but this is the best I can do in an apartment…”

I smiled weakly, even though I could barely move.

“Did you do all this?” I breathed.

I was in awe.

“Well, as you know, my expertise is technology,” he said jokingly. “But, carpentry is my hobby…”

I walked up to the swing, admiring in its smooth finishes and amazing workmanship. Around each rope was a variety of roses, tied carefully to create the most eloquent touch.

Gosh, he could do this for a living.

Build swings. Jungle gyms. Even tree-houses. It would be my dream…

What an amazing secret he had.

It was gorgeously simple, but the gesture that it held was more than its actual wonder.

Aadam smiled at me and of course, I couldn’t help but smile back, properly this time.

”Is this yours?” I couldn’t help but ask. I stretched my hands out, extending them to the gorgeous roof garden and all the greenery that inspired it’s very beauty. I wasn’t sure if it belonged to the building or if….

“It’s ours,” he said, glancing at me almost sheepishly as he awaited my reaction.

I widened my eyes disbelievingly. Wow.

“Sorry I took so long to bring you here,” he said softly, his gaze fixed on me.

I gazed out at the beauty of the sunset that was ahead, revelling in its glory.

“I was trying to get it perfect.”

“And wow,” I murmured without hesitation, awestruck by the perfection of distinct colours that looked like a canvas right before our eyes. I didn’t have a chance to tell him that he didn’t have to get it perfect. Perfection in this world was just a state of mind. The blaze of color – oranges, pearly pinks, vibrant purples… the beauty of that sunset made me want to leap right into it…


Indeed, glory was to the One who created the most astonishing architecture. If only we could comprehend the greatness of Allah. I could sit here for hours, just taking it all in… and it would still not do it any justice

I carefully lowered myself  onto the swing, almost afraid that it’s beauty would perish if I used it, moving to and fro for a few moments as we awaited the call for Maghrib prayer. It seemed like Aadam had chosen the amazing place to stay. In such proximity to a Mosque and with such a stunning view…

I closed my eyes as I felt the wind sashaying through the layers of my hijab, taking in the sound of distant traffic and enjoying its murmur.

It was simply amazing. My heart swelled with joy as I thought of how blessed I was. Indeed, when you can be thankful, you truly feel like royalty.

Moments. This is what life is made of. The moments are what we carry with us, through our journey. An array of moments that bring you to a place that helps you to understand the world, why you are placed here, and everything that comes with it. A collection of memoirs that you will, someday look back on, and although you’ll never capture that exact feeling of elation that it brought, its inspiration will live on for life.


“Hmmmm,” I said, my eyes closed but my senses completely and irrevocably tuned into every scent, sound and touch that surrounded me.

I opened my eyes, soaking it all in, looking at Aadam with an openness that spoke a million words. And just as I was about to tell him the profound thoughts that were racing around my mind like a super-speed train, Aadam’s words came to throw me off completely…

“There’s something I really need to tell you…”

Aisha raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her)  said about the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him):

“He used to sleep early at night, and get up in its last part to pray, and then return to his bed.”

When we have a million things to do, it is easy to fall into a horrible cycle of sleeping late and waking up late.

Break that cycle today! Wake up early and sleep early to be the strong, successful and all that you want to be, In sha Allah.

Let’s revive this Sunnah InshaAllah!

How easy to practise!

#revivetheSunnahof Sleepingearly






Twitter @ajourneyjournal

IG: @thejourneyingmuslimah

9 thoughts on “Significant Secrets

  1. MashAllah soooo beautiful. So sad for Ruby and the boys. Hannah just can’t stop her nastiness. I am glad that it didn’t spoil her day though. Really anxious abt what he’s going to tell her. JazaakAllah khair for the lovely post.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. That dua was so beautiful 💕
    And the garden sounds so amazing!
    Love the part of Khawlah (r.a) when she fought the Byzantines. May we aspire to be just like her Insha’allah

    Jazakallah khair for the post ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I love that you made Khawlah get married young. Zina is so common because people no longer get married young. I remember my sister got married at around 14/15 in 1995 or somewhere around then and there was no talk of divorce and education in that time. I’m not saying don’t get an education, but I wish in today’s time it could be like then, simple. No catered weddings and things.

    Maybe this isn’t so in context with this post, but I feel the need to share it so parents out there can let their children get married young instead if prolonging it because many youth want to get married but they say my parents are stopping me.

    I have a brother whose smaller than me and he has a daughter whose really bubbly and always ready to help… Things like that. She was around 16/17 when someone suggested a good match for her but my brother refused saying she’s immature and too young. It wasn’t a problem to do with schooling because in our family girls only go till Grade 7. My niece wanted to become an alimah but my brother solely believes women are supposed to stay at home, cook, clean, bake and sew. Period. So he didn’t allow her to do the alimah course but alhamdulillah she’s a person who makes the most of challenges she’s given so didn’t let my brother’s controlling get to her and she learnt how to sew, cook, bake etc and exceeded in the field. She would tell my daughters that when life gives you lemons make lemonade.
    However my brave niece couldn’t be brave when my brother said no the boy can’t come. I think she had her whole life based on marriage and she was really waiting for a samoosa run. She didn’t say anything to my brother but we all saw her slowly fall. She began getting angry faster as compared to normal; she’s a sweet girl. It was quite stressful for her as well because she started getting headaches. One day she actually asked me to speak to my brother because he listened to me, but it didn’t work. She even told me that if she never gets married she will never forgive my brother(somthing my niece would barely ever say) He’s very controlling and wants everything to be his way.
    It was worrying for all of us because she stopped being bubbly and was quite for long periods, she just did what made my brother happy, even against her will. Eventually another proposal came and again he refused, despite him knowing she wanted to get married. Apperantly the guy was not what he wanted for his daughter because his uncle was divorced. This weighed down on my niece more. The headaches were there almost daily and doctors said its stress. She even began gaining weight with the stress and started eating lesser or even at times skipped meals.
    One day my brother’s haaru bhai and I met and he said he’s son wants to get married. I immediately thought of my niece and I was wrong I admit but at that time I was so desperate to see my niece happy again(maybe I wanted her to bake tasty goodies for me to) so I arranged a secret samoosa run for the two without my brother’s consent. She wears purdah so even though he was her cousin they never talked really. My niece was hesitant because she thrived on pleasing her father against her own happiness but I assured her that I would sort the rest out. That day we saw the happiness return and she wasn’t herself but she was definitely bubbly as well as nervous I guess. But it was her Kala, so she relaxed slightly. We had the samoosa run at my place. My brother allows her to come to my house because I have no sons, so I just said I want to spend time with my niece and made up a story to him.
    A few days later her cousin proposed and she accepted after a week or so. Now was the challenge. I decided it was best to have a secret nikaah. My niece was hesitant but relaxed when I told her I would sort it out. We had the secret nikaah but decided it would be best if the two didn’t meet because we were unsure as to the status of a secret nikaah. I called my brother then and told him his daughter got married. He was enraged but I explained to him it would be best to accept her fate and let her go with peace. For the first time my controlling brother was calm and accepted the fate, thinking his daughter was involved with her cousin and marriage is better than zina. It was weekend so we had the nikaah in the masjid properly. Ppl spoke of course. Accused my innocent niece of an affair but she didn’t. They didn’t know what she had to go through just to get married. Now when we see her, alhamdulillah she’s back to her bubbly old self and my brother has realised his mistake as well. We did eventually tell him the whole story, so he wouldn’t accuse her. Really parents don’t know what harm they do to their kids when they don’t allow them to sometimes have a say in their own life choices(Obviously it shouldnt be against shariah.)
    As for the issue of divorce, remember not only young people get divorced old ppl get divorced as well. Before parents say no, ask your daughters if they want to get married, they may have never said it because of shyness, but maybe they want to get married. Don’t rule your children with an iron fist!

    Liked by 4 people

    • 💔💔💔 It’s heartwarming that her story had a happy ending, may Allah keep her happy always.. And Allah definitely makes a way out of his servants… But this is just sooooo sad! Plus an eye-opener.. Definitely going to way more appreciate our parents who give us the freedom of choice

      Liked by 2 people

    • Slmz dear sister.., 💖
      I’m so glad your shared that story, you know, I think that some families still have that simple and uncomplicated thinking and I wish more would too. Simple is so beautiful and there is so much Barakah in it. Leave alone that… there’s so much of unnecessary money spent on functions. Why not give that money to the couple to start their home or use it for what they want?
      I think nowadays education is important to us, and I know it is to me, so even if my daughter has to get married young, I would like for her to at least finish her schooling in an acceptable environment. I also don’t want her growing up thinking that I’ve deprived her of that. But you are right- if people did Nikah with the correct intention, there definitely would be much less Zinaa. It is really so rife, and I really thought it’s important to write about the alternative so people know that there is one. .. you don’t have to go around in secret dating. Why not do it the halaal way and make it a means of reward?
      I’m so glad that things worked out for your niece eventually. That’s such a sad story, but such an eye-opener too! And you are right. You can not control your kids – you don’t know what their feelings are and what kinda of thoughts they may be having even in their teens, so we need to be accepting and willing to adapt if they want to make Nikah and live in a halaal way rather than turn a blind eye to the haraam they may be doing.
      JazakAllah Khair for your real life insights and for the beautiful advice. I will def take this into consideration when my kids get bigger… it has opened my eyes to a different side of the fence too 👌❤️

      Liked by 2 people

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