I wish I could write you a poem,
To say just how I feel,
But every time I put pen to paper,
I still wonder if you’re a dream…
Aadam was comically avoiding eye contact as I glanced up at him. He made me want to burst into giggles.
That was just so sweet. What was even cuter was the way he refused to look at me, as I coyly eyed him out. He was wearing his three-quarter track pants and a simple grey t-shirt, and I couldn’t help but notice how amazingly serene he looked today.
And I was slightly taken aback, as I folded the piece of paper in my hand. I mean, who even writes poems these days? With ink? I secretly buried it into the depths of my soul… as I simultaneously tucked the note into my battered beaded purse.
“At least say something,” Aadam said, running his hand through his beard as he glanced at me from where he sat at the edge of his seat, on his handmade wooden bench. “Is it too corny for words?”
“You really are multi-talented,” I said simply, a little overwhelmed by the emotions.
I wished that I could stitch it to my heart.
“I thought of it that day while I sat with you and watched the sunrise,” he said, glancing at me. “Wanted to remind you…”
”It’s beautiful,” I said simply, as I gently reached out to touched his dimpled cheek.
There was just something about hand written notes that made me want to tuck them away and keep them forever. What was more amazing was what he had waiting here for me, with it. And yes, unconventional but so me… He had packed a gift box filled with a variety of flower seeds, vegetable seedlings and the best of all… a brand new gardening set. And I know it wasn’t every girl’s idea of a perfect gift but it most definitely was mine.
Aadam had known exactly what I needed to find my base again… calm down, and just find my peace again after the eventful term… he always bought the most unusual things for me and this time… he had hit the nail right on the head.
“Maybe we could bring the boys over later and enjoy the planting together?” I suggested, aching to see those kids again.
It had been over a week and I was especially missing Danyaal and his quirky humor. He was a lot like Aadam, and as he grew up, he was really becoming such a pleasant young man. I was just so glad that they had Aadam as a constant in their life. He made sure he went there every day, and that was exactly what they needed.
“Of course,” Aadam said, smiling at me as we looked up into the sun, enjoying the feeling of it’s fuzzy warmth on our face. How I loved these months leading to winter, with their tepid weather and welcomed sunshine…
And I didn’t even know how Aadam knew it, but as a kid, my heart would soar at this time of the year when the opportunities seemed endless. The Summer had been eventful, to say the least. The first term of grade twelve had been extremely taxing and even with the upcoming holidays, I had been dreading the break. Nusaybah had already bossily informed me that we would be working our skirts off. She was super focused. She had ambitious plans to catch up on Mathematics tuition with me, as well as put some focus on our Tafseer and Seerah lessons while we were on break. I honestly felt like my friend wanted to me whither away and die. Was it even humanly possible to study so much?
The thing was, with the changing of weather, came so many opportunities that I wanted to indulge myself in… and so many memories too. There was so much going on in my mind… It was like the craving for adventure was engraved in me. The moments of my childhood that I had alway clung onto flooded my mind, and it was only natural for me that my thoughts moved to Khalid as I reminisced. Each and every moment of my memory were so vivid…
“What are you thinking of, gorgeous?”
Aadam’s words were said so naturally, but I flushed slightly as he watched me intently, remembering Ahmed’s words about Khalid. Khalid was undoubtedly a beautiful page of my childhood story, but I wasn’t sure why I felt like Ahmed knew something that I didn’t. It wasn’t like I had ever purposely hid anything important from Aadam… he was my husband and I hated to keep secrets.
”I’m thinking of the change of season,” I said quietly, lifting myself from the bench to slide onto the beautiful swing that looked so inviting. I pushed myself forward, as I savoured the feeling of the soft breeze against my skin. “And how beautiful this view is…”
The view from the rooftop was spectacular. It just so happened that on that particular day, the skies appeared bluer than blue, and the lilac contrast of the jacarandas against the clear horizon was almost picture-perfect. I just loved those trees.
They were breathtaking. SubhaanAllah..!
“You know you’re my most complicated conundrum… I never know what you’re feeling… so please tell me..”
He had slid down to the AstroTurf that he had fitted a few weeks back, saying it was the closest thing he could get to grass up here. Of course, it was a sorry substitute.
”I’m still upset,” I admitted, swaying with the breeze as it pushed me to and fro.
Ahmed’s words. I just couldn’t let them go.
How could I tell him what Ahmed said without making him suspicious? Or upset?
I pushed myself harder on as I thought, enjoying the feeling of freedom that swinging brought. I felt like an overgrown child.
”I don’t know.”
”Its not nice that you guys are carrying on like this,” Aadam said quietly, but loud enough to for me to hear. “Apologize and let it go, yeah? He’s your brother…”
Aadam was right. He was just so softhearted and caring like that, because he hated conflict. Aadam lived in a fairy tale world where everyone got along… and it was one of the things I loved about him. Always encouraging me to be good. To maintain ties. To be the best that I could be. That was, ultimately, what true love for Allah was about.
And I did try to be my best, but the thing is… everyone slips from time to time. Ahmed had a streak in him that I just couldn’t stomach. His words sometimes made me want to punch him in the face. And because Ahmed was my brother and had a shady past, I couldn’t help but doubt his intentions. Did he want to cause problems? He was always so evasive. I couldn’t help but think that he may have played a part in Rubeena’s divorce…
I sighed as I wondered if I had done the right thing by rattling him the way I did. He was definitely not impressed with me, but I had to at least give him credit for trying to sort things out after.
It had turned out that Ahmed had taken matters into his hands the previous week. According to Zuleikha, she was petrified that Ahmed was going to see Rubeena as they left the house that day. Obviously that would have been disastrous. She was fretting about how awkward the situation would be… when Ahmed actually turned into my in-laws house instead.
And of course, then she was even more horrified, knowing she would have to meet my mother-in-law. Only, it turned out that I was the only one whose guts my mother-in-law hated. She simply adored everyone else.
And yes, I must admit that I was pleasantly surprised, yet equally disturbed about my mother-in-laws reaction. It turned out that all Ahmed had to do was open his mouth to offer some ruggedly uncultured charisma, and my mother-in-law was already convinced that he was an angel.
And I really wondered if she could have at least had some shame about it. Like really? I mean, I knew that my brother was handsome and all the rest but I really didn’t expect her to believe him so easily, just because he was an enigma. Of course, it didn’t meant that anything had changed for me… I was still the damn Cinderella.
I sighed, trying to calm myself down. I was getting about heated up about this and it wasn’t good.
“My mother loves him,” Aadam said simply.
“Why even?” I said, rolling my eyes. “Ahmed’s the kind of guy that can make anyone pull their hair out.”
“You know,” he said, and I could see him hiding a smirk. “I think it’s that irritating thing that annoys the crap out of people yet makes them crazy about you at the same time. It’s exactly how I feel about you.”
“What?!” I widened my eyes at him as he looked back at me with an evil glint in his.
“Yup, I mean I don’t know why you keep me, despite the fact that you are clearly allergic to me. It’s a bit strange, yeah?”
“I don’t have a condition!” I retorted, wanting to pinch him.
”Khawlah, you know you never told me that you love me? Not even once? Any guy in my place would have probably run for the hills by now. But me, I’m a sucker. A sucker for punishment. I keep coming back like a little puppy because I can see beyond your armor, princess.”
”You’re mean,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him. I had my reasons. We still had our whole lives ahead of us. I was just waiting for the right moment…
Aadam’s expression was amusing. I knew he was poking me… Maybe it was good for me…
“I keep coming back because I know that one day you are going to say it,” he said with confidence. “You keep your heart so deeply tucked away… why? Open up. Give it some fresh air. Let it take a deep breath of love. Love. Heard of it, Khawlah? Love. Love me.”
I gazed at him lovingly. He was so sincere… my heart was already melted.
”You know you’re the only poet I’ve ever known,” I said, touching my purse that held the little note.
”Don’t change the subject,” Aadam muttered. “I love poetry but I’m no poet. I’m just a computer geek with a few frills to his name. Don’t let the critics fool you.”
I couldn’t resist a giggle. To me, he was a poet.
“Okay, so back to the point.. you know, this is super awkward for me,” Aadam said, forgetting about his grievance and glancing at me. “She’s my older sister, yeah? But even if he felt something for her… or whatever… let’s not get into all the embarrassing details… it’s not a sin. You can’t hold their feelings against them. They didn’t act on it. That’s what matters. So you can’t be angry.”
I knew about the Hadith that said so. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that they both should have known better.
The Prophet (SAW) said: “Allah will forgive my ummah (followers) for whatever crosses their minds so long as they do not speak of it or act upon it.” Narrated by al-Bukhari, 4968; Muslim, 127
But I also knew that as much as we could, we had to try and fight the urges that we had to do wrong. And as I looked around, me, I saw so much of opportunity out there. We are given so many choices, opportunities and chances. This wretched world and everything it stands for is screaming out to us to let go and just be free… to be who we want to be… to do what we feel. The difference for us as Muslims though, is that with Deen in our hearts, and this great responsibility that we accepted… we live with the awareness that we do only what pleases our Allah.
Aadam was looking pensive, as he clicked his neck. His usually energetic frame looked visibly worn as I glimpsed him from the corner of my eye.
“But it’s so weird…” I said, also feeling the whole accusation a bit awkward. “Because even if this wasn’t true… don’t you think it would have opened a can of worms now? Like… maybe they might start thinking about it… even if it never crossed their minds before?”
What Aadam didn’t know was that I could see the way Ahmed had looked at Rubeena the day he had seen her that day at the airport. I was getting really worried about what this could bring. The whole situation had the potential to get out of control.
I watched my husband as he leaned back tiredly.
“Things happen, gorgeous,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “I mean, when I saw you that day at Ruby’s … I couldn’t stop staring. I didn’t know I was being all immodest, like forward and stuff by asking you when I would see you again. I just saw a beautiful girl and I was blown away, yeah? And then I learned that I need to ask the big guys and get the green light. That I had to talk about marriage. Yeah, I was a shocked out of my senses that I couldn’t just take you out for coffee… but I love that I didn’t do all the usual shenanigans that happened in my past. I love that I’m dating my wife. They’ll learn the right way too… if they have to ever make it work.”
I smiled, thinking of Aadam before he changed. He really was a different guy. I actually would have never even given his type a second glance until he approached my brother…
Wait, what was he saying?
Make it work? Really? Ahmed and Rubeena could never make it work. The age gap was over ten years and I really just wanted them to forget about this whole thing. And maybe I was being a little unfair, but what I was most worried about were those boys that I loved with every ounce of my heart… If Rubeena was going to be irresponsible and introduce someone else into their lives… I really hoped that it would be someone who cared about kids.
Ahmed could barely even converse with an adult, leave alone a kid.
Aadam was oblivious as I watched him pensively, noticing him rolling his shoulders again as he sat. I had figured that his back was bothering him. The swing had come to a halt, and as I silently jumped off, I moved towards him from behind. I placed my hands squarely at the top of his shoulders with little pressure, hoping it may give him some relief…
What I didn’t expect right then was him jolting forward with such a force that I almost staggered backward in shock. It was like I had inflicted such severe pain… and as I retreated, I was a little startled at how tense and resistant he was. This definitely was not normal.
“Sorry,” I said meekly him, feeling terrible. I knew that working with gadgets as a living probably buggered your back and neck muscles… I just didn’t think it was that painful. “Is it really sore?”
“A little,” he said, but I could see from the glance that he shot me after that he was lying.
He was in excruciating pain. I swallowed hard and tried not to take it personally. He was probably just working really hard this week and straining his neck…
“It’s just a few knots,” he said indifferently, giving me a small smile. I supposed that explained it. “It will settle after a few days.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, reaching out for my hand to squeeze it assuringly. “It’s just tender… but it will be okay next week.. before our big date..”
”Aha,” I said, well aware that he was diverting my attention expertly.
I ignored the niggly feeling I had about Aadam and smiled. A date? My heart was humming with life again. I had forgotten about being angry at Ahmed. Rubeena too.
All I wanted to do was sit with my husband for the rest of the afternoon on his rooftop and enjoy the view. Oh, and discuss our future date. It just made all the ugliness fade away…
“Can we just forget about the past few weeks?” He said now, hesitating as he looked at me.
Aadam never said anything, but I could tell that he had felt Khalid’s loss in a way that he didn’t let on. I think it was my hurt that puzzled him… and of course it would. Then there was the issue of my mother-in-law that was always lurking above. For now though, I was just so glad that the drama was over…
”I think I need a break,” I said desperately, stretching my legs and leaning against him slightly. “Please just take me far away so Nusaybah can’t find me. I really want nothing more than to over-eat, over-sleep… and catch up with my Qur’an..”
I actually could not wait for the few more days till the holidays set in.
“Are you serious?” Aadam said, his one quirky eyebrow raised as he looked at me, delighted. “You want to have a proper Waleema this holiday? Then we can just tell everyone that we’re going away on an exotic honeymoon…”
”I’ve already checked all my symptoms,” I said, keeping my face straight and not reading into his Waleema suggestion. I knew it entailed some awkward topics. “All I really need is a trip to the Maldives.”
Aadam was chuckling, as he ran his hand through his beard.
”Did you think you married a functioning millionaire?” Aadam said, his weird eyebrow doing strange things. “Sorry sweets, this guy has no money to waste on private villas and solitary beaches. Do you know how many people we could feed with that money? How many kids we can clothe with all that cash? You know, now that you mention it… maybe we can go to an island and do some community work…”
I pretended to pout, but inside… honestly, felt like a series of sunrises had just risen at the fore of my heart… it was that amazing…
And it was no wonder that I loved every bit about my husband. He was so real. Cultured, and brought up with the best of everything… yet so down to earth… a rare diamond of a heart.
Yes, he was successful. Yes, he had plenty of money. Yes, he could afford the best of everything if he wanted it. But what he had was wealth of the heart. He lived in a simple apartment near the heart of Gauteng. He now drove a regular car that didn’t make any heads turn. He wore a basic and inexpensive watch that he insisted he probably wouldn’t have bothered about if he didn’t need to tell the time.
To be extravagant and waste money on something that was so temporary now was completely against his principles. And yes, he loved nice things too and he often went on overseas trips… but for him, everything was moderation, because that’s the way he loved to live… and of course, the way that Allah loved best. No wastage. No flashy show-offy attitude. And because he always made that his priority, I loved him all the more..
“I will take you somewhere far away,” he said quietly, pulling me towards him affectionately and pecking my cheek. “Someday. And it’s going to be epic. But for now…. for next week.. I have a different kind of surprise for you.”
”Does it involve a Waleema?” I asked weakly, my heart racing a little as I heard his steady breathing in my ear.
“I know you’re itching to have your big day, but let’s leave it for after finals, yeah?” he said with a grin. “For now… how’s about that date? A dash of nature.. dose of Allah’s perfect mastery… and maybe… just maybe… falling in love with your crazy husband all over again… because even though you never say it… I know you a lot better than you think…”
Of course, Aadam was right. Of course I loved him. To me, love was an amazing force of nature. It was big. Bigger than everything else. Love was a beautiful law unto itself. An emotion that could never be expressed in words. To ever tell Aadam how he had opened my heart, beautified my soul, and altered the eyes through which I saw life itself … well, I knew I would never be able to do justice to.
It might take days… it might take years.. or it might just be a lifetime … but whatever it was, I held fast to the far-fetched notion that we had many, many years and amazing times to spend together, and one day…
Well, one sweet day, I was going to tell him exactly what he wanted to hear…
Quick one: Since I mentioned a honeymoon here, please know that this was penned while ago. It was meant light-heartedly and though I have nothing against couples taking a break to spend time together, we have to also remember that Islam is beautiful in it’s moderation. I think a simple break away is always good for a couple to bond, but if they are staying on their own, being at home can also be bonding time. I’m no expert in this field so please make me maaf for any errors.
With regard to romance in this blog… I always try to keep it romantic but clean, so please forgive me for any shortcomings and let me know if I ever don’t… or am going over the top.
Okay, I’m done now… sorry for the rambles.
Beloved Nabi (SAW) has said:
“The person who perfectly maintains the ties of kinship is not the one who does it because he gets recompensed by his relatives (for being kind and good to them), but the one who truly maintains the bonds of kinship is the one who persists in doing so even though the latter has severed the ties of kinship with him“. [Al-Bukhari].
May Allah Ta’ala enable us to rekindle any ties of kingship that may have been severed. It is truly a great reward and Sunnah.
FB: The Journeying Muslimah
I hope that one sweet day is going to come… call me negative or whatever but I dont hav a good feeling about Adams health. Please don’t take away a main character from us sister!☹ Adam’s just so awesome nobody can replace him…let whatevers ailing him be something temporary and give him and khawlah their happy ever after😊
LikeLiked by 9 people
That’s an amazing amount of pressure on this poor author… and I know they are such an ideal couple… I’ll talk to the story makers and plot-changers in my head and see what they can come up with… 👅
Shukran jazeelan, sister 💞
LikeLiked by 5 people
Lol let’s hope they also love happy endings😊
LikeLiked by 2 people
I didn’t want this post to end !
It’s such a sweet and light hearted post after all those suspense filled hectic ones 😌
Loved every bit 💗
Jazakillah Khair for the lovely post 💕
Definitely took away my Sunday blues 😊
LikeLiked by 8 people
Aw, Shukran dear sister. 💜
Honestly, there’s been so much of drama lately that I really just needed a calm post to simmer down. Don’t worry, drama awaits again…*grins*
Not to soon though…
LikeLiked by 5 people
I don’t think his ill. I’m probably wrong but I think he’s suffering from another kind of tension that requires the Walima to hurry up 😁… Sister your writing is perfect as always and there’s nothing to change.. Its good for the youth out there to know that when 2 parties are interested in each other, nikah when you young is possible… You avoid getting into all those sins that comes with waiting till you finished school, campus etc… Going out, talking to each other etc but you in nikah. Rewards upon rewards instead of ghunna… Just curious as to what ahmed really said to khawlahs mil..
LikeLiked by 8 people
Maybe he really is a vampire, like Nusaybah suggested. 👅
Haha, sister S, you killed me when I read your comment.
Shukran sister, I think it’s so important for youth to know that there is an option besides zinaa and I think parents should also open their minds and not be so restrictive. A lot of parents actually stop their kids if they want to make Nikah. Maybe they think they are immature? I don’t know but I mean if kids that age can decide what they want to do for the rest of their lives, what career path they choose etc… then why can’t they decide what they want in a partner? Also, they settle so much better when younger…
Besides it being unfair… it’s a sin for all the parties when the relationship continues regardless… may Allah save us and our kids and grant us the understanding of how simple Allah made it for us… ❤️
Okay yes, we will get back to Ahmed and Zuleikha … soon enough..
LikeLiked by 6 people
Hmmmm, so many parents are restrictive in this field. It’s like why do you want to get married? They don’t see the amount of haraam dangling before us.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Exactly.. I know my father was the same and I was not even that young. He insisted I must finish my studies first. Shukar, Allah changed his heart… So somehow I was saved from more haraam. I know I will definitely be a little more cautious with my own kids.. We have to open our minds. I think parents have their reasons too.. but I’m not sure if it’s always valid…
LikeLiked by 8 people
Yips, their reasons r not always valid. Personally my father feels u need 2 b mature n not fight wid any1 b4 u can settle down, while I do get dat, its hard 2 convince ur mind
LikeLiked by 3 people
Sister Jazaakillah for another beautiful post, well written as always…
With regards to marriage, I agree making nikaah young because you grow up together and also you are Halaal for each other so you get reward whilst getting to know your spouse…
With regards to holidays an Aalim has an article that speaks about holidays in today’s times, that we spend so much time and money decorating our houses but when it’s time for a break we need to get away from that very home…
Spend money on accommodation that doesn’t always have the luxury we have at home, spend money on food etc, eat whilst we have the best of everything at home…
LikeLiked by 4 people
Shukran dear sister… ☘️ that’s so true.
Definitely, when you are young, it also gives you a sense of responsibility and automatically, because everything is against you and people are also so negative… you try even harder to make it work. Well, most of the time…
That’s such a good point. The best holidays should be at home. An though it’s Halaal, I think it’s also good that we understand what’s permissible is not always recommended for our spiritual health.
Allah grant us, me first, that understanding… Aameen ❤️
Such valid points, Alhumdulillah
LikeLiked by 6 people
LikeLiked by 2 people
Nopes not Aaadam. Please don’t kill him. This post was super sweet.
I agree with you. We need some romance, because let’s face it people love romance. Well as for the holidays, I go for holidays often so I don’t see anything wrong with it
LikeLiked by 4 people
Yup, we do love Halaal romance. Just not the erotic type. Then I want to hide.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaase don’t kill Adam.
LikeLiked by 4 people
LikeLiked by 1 person