When we say Goodbye

Bismihi Ta’ala


There is a sunrise and a sunset every day. A new day… a new chance. A new opportunity to start all over again. Sometimes when we lose ourselves in our own chaos, the only solution is to reacquaint ourselves with the colors of a sunset. With it, there is a certain sorrow, but also… we see a promise for tomorrow. With its course… Just like with each goodbye, there is usually a new hello. It’s a reminder to embrace the air that surrounds you. I reminder to dwell in the appreciation of life and all that it can bring. A reminder that indeed, after a loss, Allah always promises a relief.

Yes, sometimes it’s goodbye. But sometimes it’s hello.

And if anything, losing Aadam was a reminder for all of us about what this life was really about. The truth is that we get stuck in this rat-race… so immersed in Duniya… so captured in this world with the thought that tomorrow is always there and it will never end. The deception of the world was an illusion that fooled even the most intelligent of man…

A buzurg (pious man) once said: “I am astonished at the man who knows that he will die and that death can come to him at anytime yet still enjoys the things of this world. I am astonished at the man who believes that Jahannam is real and that nobody knows where his place in the Aakhirah(hereafter) is going to be but still finds time to laugh. I am astonished at a person who sees poor people become rich and rich people become poor in this world all the time but still feels happy when he gets some wealth. I am astonished at that person who believes in Taqdeer (that everything is already decided and that everyone must get his share) but still makes an effort to earn the world.” (Fazaail- e-Sadaqaat)

And the truth was that the thought of death was fairly distant back then… I was yet to learn all those lessons about life.. The reality of death was still far-fetched, as it is for most of us. No-one thinks that their time is nearly up. I didn’t really think that I’d have to say goodbye to Aadam so soon. Though his death was probability, the suddenness of it was still brutal.

And yes, his death was a much needed reminder, but his presence was a gift to us too. Aadam had been sent, like a gust of wind, uplifting and awakening a part of me that I never knew existed. With his carefree openness and his spirit… through horse and mountains, sunsets and serenity…. he showed us something so beautiful and true, that not only was it a great love, but also one of those amazing friendships that opened my heart and made me believe that beautiful things could really be.

And after all that time… it was no wonder that I had been thinking of him, because when Ma had spoken of Aadam, of course, my heart knew no boundaries. Though I missed him every day, I the thought of him being in a place where there was no pain or grief always soothed me. His memories were a stirring to what I thought was long buried. There were so many thoughts and feelings and moments that even if I could talk about them, I knew that words would be exhausted before I even finished. It was amazing and extraordinary and everything in between…

It was just that right now, with the new discovery, some things were a little difficult to understand, and I really wished that I could just ask him…

Oh my noodles, Khawlah!”

Nusaybah’s voice was enough to cause my stirring heart to literally jump into my throat as the room door flung open. Lo and behold, there she was… my slightly deranged friend, all in a hype over something that I was obviously clueless about.

And of course, I should have seen the signs. Her scarf was neatly pinned, her make-up was immaculately done and a huge smile was planted on her shining face. I, of course, could only scowl as I looked back at her, appalled at her for disturbing my peaceful and perfect dreamworld…

Much to my horror, Nusaybah was already at the window, busy yanking the curtains open. As happened every Saturday morning, Khadijah was gone with Ahmed since after Fajr, and this was my one morning to sleep in. How was this even fair?! It was only 9AM!

”Nusaybah, can’t it wait till later?” I asked, clearly irritable as I  pulled the feather pillow over my head. It was the only solution.

”Khawlah, are you crazy?” She said, spinning around and glaring at me, clearly mortified by my suggestion. “Can I ever wait for anything?! This is big news!”

It was true. Nusaybah was the most impatient of people that I had ever come across.

Realization dawned as I remembered last nights discussion with my uncle. My heart hammered as I wondered if Nusaybah had already made up her mind.

“Goodness,” I breathed, now wide awake as I  wondered how I would deal if Nusaybah was all head-over-heels. “Don’t tell me that you’re already going gaga over my unworthy cousin?”

And for the first time ever in the history of our crazy friendship, Nusaybah’s cheeks turned a deep shade of crimson, as she immediately burst into girly giggles. Honestly, if she hadn’t invaded the room and yanked open my curtains, I would have sworn that this was another person. Never in my life had I seen my friend act so coy.

And yes, I had learnt a few extraordinary things about my friend during the past few days. Although she often ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’ over random guys… when there finally came a time that she was truly interested in someone… she was the epitome of bashfulness. For the past few days since they arrived from the UK, when cousin was in the vicinity, my bold and boisterous friend suddenly morphed into a timid mouse. It was truly quite hilarious.

Ny uncle and his family had been down from the UK for two weeks now. It was great having them around but the best part was that with them coming, as always, it brought so much more than we anticipated…

I smiled at her, despite the fact that I was clearly quite emotional. I kept recalling the time when we had unbelievably and ambitiously dreamt of having picnic together, thinking that our kids would grow up together. All of that seemed like a distant memory now… how we planned our lives with to the tee, and how Allah’s plan comes with its own surprising beauty.
Was it already three years?! I could barely believe how time had flown.

Strange how some of the weirdest thoughts turn true and some realities are so far from what you ever imagined…

“I think you guys will be amazing together,” I said, my eyes tearing up. “And I’m so happy for you…”

Her eyes were brimming too as she came forward to embrace me, then pulled back and looked me in the eye.

“This doesn’t mean you can boss me around, alright? I’m still two months older than you. I’m sure Mr Perfect would have agreed.. “

”You wish!” I said, sticking my tongue out at her. “Cousin-in-laws are allowed to be bossy. Too bad Mr Perfects not around to see it, huh? It’s strange how life turns out sometimes, isn’t it?”

She smiled, albeit a little dejectedly, knowing that Aadam would have been thrilled for her too. It had been barely two weeks ago that I had gotten the feeling that Nusaybah was interested in my cousin… and because my friend was such a candidly expressive person…  I knew that the best thing to do was to feel the waters and see if there was any real potential for something exciting to progress. What I didn’t expect was Faheem to be just as crazily into Nusaybah as she was…

I grinned as I saw the expression on my cousin’s face. At the time, I knew that it was definitely going to be fun to match-make and I couldn’t wait for it all to come together. It was just that now that it was all happening, I kind of wanted it to slow down..

“Okay,” I said, trying to get over the commotion. “Now that the cats out of the bag, can I go back to sleep and continue dreaming about my husband? He was about to tell me something important before you inconsiderately butted into our conversation..”

I knew  that I needed some time to let this all process… to come to terms with my friend actually leaving me…

No!” Nusaybah yelled, planting her hands on her hips and glaring me. “Tell Mr. Perfect dream version that you’ll catch him later. We got work to do, girl! My father spoke to your uncle and they want the Nikah next week! Next week, Khawlah! Do you know what that means?! It means I’m already two months behind with wedding preparations… oh my goodness, I’m freaking out!”

I think I was the one that was going to go crazy. This was moving too fast for my liking. Way too fast.

The two of them had literally just spoken a few days ago and Nusaybah was already to give her answer. I knew that it was good and better for them, but I just digest what this would mean. I was just glad that Nusaybah wouldn’t be leaving straight away. Or would she? Faheem was speaking about doing his medical internship in SA. I had no idea why, but that worked out perfectly for me…

“Listen,” Nusaybah said, and I could tell she was watching me carefully. My friend knew me a little too well for my liking. “You know that he wouldn’t have hurt you intentionally, right?”

It took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about. Yesterday’s discussions had many features to them. Aadam and Khalid was one of them.

I nodded slowly as I met Nusaybah’s eye.

”Aadam or Khalid?” I asked with a small smile.

The truth was that I had been so clouded with emotion that I couldn’t help but be a little too accusing. I supposed I was angry. Angry at Aadam. Angry at Khalid. Angry that they had both hid the truth. Angry that Khalid had let us believe he was dead for so long. Angry that he hadn’t stayed in contact with Yunus. Angry that he’d come back, thinking he can just pick up where he left. Angry that this had opened so many healing wounds…

Yes, I had been angry. Quite so. But now that my mind was clearer and my dream was a reminder of the kind of person he was, I did realize that maybe I had been a little too impulsive in my actions. Maybe we shouldn’t have gone to Aunty Radiyyah immediately…

”Lets just forget about it for a while, why don’t we?” She wisely concluded. “Warrior Hijaabi with a heart of rock… I know it’s hard… pardon the pun…  Besides, you can’t stay angry at insanely handsome people…”

I rolled my eyes at her, knowing that she was talking about Khalid.

”Whatever,” I mumbled. To me, Khalid was just well… Khalid. No matter what Nusaybah thought.
Nusaybah’s expression was still pensive, and I looked at her questioningly as she plopped herald on the bed next to me, looking up at the ceiling in a half-daze.

“Some things we don’t see coming,” she said softly, turning to look at me.

“Like Faheem,” I said knowingly. I swallowed as I said it, knowing that this was something she didn’t see coming either. Yet it was amazing…

“I don’t think you saw Aadam coming either,” she said blandly, looking at the ceiling again. “Like a whirlwind, he came out of the blue and turned this warrior hijaabi friend of mine into the loving girl who became the most amazing mother to his daughter. He brought so much of joy and sunshine to your life. He woke you up in a way that you’d never known before.”

I turned to watch her speak, glimpsing her teary smile as I looked ahead again, not wanting to give into emotion. It was so achingly true, yet I didn’t want to remember it..

“And as for Khalid,” she murmured suddenly, catching me a little off guard. “I know very well that he was a really beloved friend of yours… once upon a time. I also know that without him… at that crucial part of your childhood when it mattered how you saw the world… without that beautiful and rare love that moulded you… you wouldn’t have been that someone who could see the beauty in everything, instead of dwelling on the loss. He showed you that there’s a reason for life and a reason for death and that everything in between is for and through Allah alone. If it wasn’t for him, Khawlah, you might have been an entirely different kind of Khawlah that I know and truly love…”

”But still,” I insisted, fighting back emotion and not wanting to stray from the point. Sentiments aside, right?

Ugh,” she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation. “There are no buts, woman! It’s pretty simple, don’t you see?!”

I didn’t. Nusaybah’s thoughts were always on a completely different wavelength to mine.

“Aadam was a beautiful chapter of your life,” she murmured, almost inaudibly.

“I know,” I whispered. And I didn’t want to spoil that chapter.

”But so was Khalid,” she said pointedly, with a small smile. “I think it’s amazing that the two of them met. Don’t you think it’s a beautiful ending to what could be a great story?”

I never did look at it that way. From that little girl who was somewhat lost, through Khalid and his constant reminders and inspiration… I had become the best version of myself that I could ever be.

I narrowed my eyes at Nusaybah, not really wanting to know what she was thinking. No. I wouldn’t entertain it.

Goodness, she was always putting things into such an amazing perspective for me and I was so going to miss this crazy friend of mine. I turned to her instantly, closing in for a fierce hug, catching her completely off-guard as we both forgot for a moment about the emotions and the pain that had once been etched in our hearts.

And of course, as she left the room, just as how she’d come, Nusaybah had left me with much to think about for that moment. It was no surprise that the next two weeks flew by with nothing else but her as the central focus. It was a crazy bout of organizing and excitement that rained on us for those few days, whilst we tried to keep afloat and make the most of the time we had. My Madrasah studies that I had finally started at the beginning of that year were put on hold for a few days, as I tried to give her the best farewell. The plan was for Nusaybah to go to the UK for three months, and Faheem to then come back here to stay in a remote area where he would be doing his internship. Nusaybah was thrilled because it meant that she could finally apply for her own admission to the nearby medical school… but I wasn’t… because that meant that she’d be nowhere near me.

And it was no wonder that in the midst of it all, I had even forgotten that Aunty Radiyyah would be leaving for a while too. Everything was so crazily busy that when I finally came up to breathe, there was barely any time to spend with her and say goodbye the way I wanted to before her big leave. I knew I’d be seeing her the next day at the function but knowing that I wouldn’t get to talk much was making me strangely nostalgic. I lived with the hope that I could find some time to chat to her once Nusaybah and Faheem had headed off.

And then of course, the wedding day dawned on us, and we wondered where all the time had been lost. Nusaybah, in her untold glory, made a delightfully beautiful bride.

And as we dressed that day, I couldn’t help but do a double take as she pulled on her dress, slowly twirling around in joy as she gazed at herself as a bride. Of course, I couldn’t stop staring at my friend either. There was no doubt that she was sensational in peach and ivory, and as the time neared for her Nikah to be performed, ready to hear those words that would unite her and Faheem for life, I could see the slight traces of nervousness behind her rigid frame. Nusaybah, being who she was, was full of energy and unvontained excitement. I could hear excited chatter around me, as the words were uttered, and everyone waited for the groom to arrive. The laughter and sensation was contagious, and as the evenings events commenced, and everything  I couldn’t fully grasp that my friend was actually married.

Her impromptu squeak of joy as the words were evidence of her elation. I knew then, at that moment was this was the moment that I had been waiting for. For everything she had done for me… for all her sacrifices and encouragement and words of wisdom.. this moment was a moment of ultimate gratification.

All I could think of was the way she always came through for me… the way she made me see sense and the way she put everything into perspective when I was completely missing the point.

It was no wonder that I had suddenly had this overwhelming desire in me that some day… One day… I really wished that I’d get a chance to repay Nusaybah for all the jacking up that I constantly needed. Yes, I hoped that one day I’d be the one that would help her through her own battles that she faced too… because I knew wat back when, that this friendship was one of those forever ones.

It was the moment that I had been waiting for. This friendship of mine, that I hoped and prayed would be one that I would carry through to Jannah… was finally seeing what it deserved. And my heart soared because l had actually finally fulfilled that dream and been a small part of making her happiness. I knew I could never do it justice, but as I hugged her with every bit of strength I could muster, the goodbyes that were imminent felt like the most difficult thing in the world.

“I wished that I didn’t have to say goodbye…” I said, feeling all teary as I realized that inevitably, I would have to.

Nusaybah looked at me, her dark eyes filled with unhindered emotion.

“Khawlah,” she said quietly as she met my gaze. “I wished that I could stay with you a little longer…”

I nodded, feeling all choked up but wishing the exact same, as she placed her hands on my shoulders reassuringly, and her beautiful face glowed with a mixture of sorrow and elation.

”Theres still so much I need to tell you,” she murmured, swallowing her emotion. “I wish that I could to convince you that you can live again. I wish that I could get you out of Mr Perfect’s perfect world. I wish that you’d see things the way everyone else does. I wish that things didn’t turn out the way they did for you. I wished so many things for you…”

Her voice broke at that point and I went toward her, reaching out to hold her, yet not knowing what she meant.

I looked at her, as her eyes filled with tears, and I held her hand tighter as I tried to assure her that I’d be okay. All my friend ever wanted was the best for me, but why was it so hard to give in..?

I could feel her grip tighten as she held onto me,  one last time, and then finally pull away, looking back at me with significant tears in her eyes but the most amazing Nusaybah-like smile on her beautiful face.

”Nus,” I asked, really quite bewildered by her sudden change of emotion right then. “Can you please tell me what’s going on?”

She was still smiling like a buffoon, as she reached for my hand and gripped it assuringly.

”It’s a surprise,” she said happily, with a single tear streak glimmering on her cheek. Happy tears, I realized as my heart soared. There was something up her sleeve. Those were definitely happy tears.

“I couldn’t say goodbye just yet and I wish that I could have told you sooner,” she babbled a little hysterically. “But it was too soon, and I really wanted to just make sure it was the right choice this time. I wanted to tell you… there’s something I really need to show you…”

Revive the Sunnah of Du’aa

Having good Expectations and certain faith that Allaah will respond
Al-Tirmidhi (3476) narrated that Fadaalah ibn ‘Ubayd (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: Whilst the Messenger of Allaah ﷺ was sitting, a man came in and prayed and said, “O Allaah, forgive me and have mercy on me.” The Messenger of Allaah ﷺ said, “You have been too hasty, O worshipper. When you have prayed and are sitting, praise Allaah as He deserves to be praised, and send blessings upon me, then call upon Him.” (Authenticated by Albani)
According to another version (3477): “When one of you prays, let him start with praise of Allaah, then let him send blessings upon the Prophet ﷺ, then let him ask whatever he likes after that.” Then another man prayed after that, and he praised Allaah and sent blessings upon the Prophet ﷺ. The Prophet ﷺ said: “O worshipper, ask and you will be answered.”

Therefore, whenever a worshipper asks Allah with sincerity, hoping for Allah’s mercy, and fulfilling the etiquette and manners of dua, he should be certain that his Du’aa will be responded to.

Lots and lots of Duaas. Let’s focus on trying to bring Du’aa into our daily lives...

How easy to practice …











Twitter: @ajourneyjournal






9 thoughts on “When we say Goodbye

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s