Epilogue: The Rhythm of Life

For my beloved sisters, a longest, last, three-part and hopefully most heart-warming post. Happy reading. ❤️

Bismihi Ta’ala


Parenting is hard. It’s really hard.

Okay, besides the fact that it’s supposed to be easier when they are small and I had ample help and the fact that there’s not much intellect required for the occupation since we have a set vocabulary that is repeated about seventeen times a day, there was something about raising little humans that just stumped me.

And I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs and I’d like to think that nowadays, more than ever, I had landed on the upside of things, but there were still just a few aspirations that I could really cling to.

I’d made up my mind a while ago that if I get one thing right in this whole parenting gig, I want my kids to understand how their actions can impact others. If I get one thing right, I want them to know that they are not just beings who are existing in this life for themselves and with no purpose. I want them to understand that we are all connected. How a little word can go a long way. How their actions can affect a heart. How they can cause a stir. How even little actions can make a change.

That any word or action can have the ability to change someone’s life. That even one thing done in jest can kill a star-winged soul.

And yes, none of it was easy. The adjustment wasn’t the most simple. My life had completely changed. My aspirations had evolved. Even after finding love again and being convinced that I had finally found contentment with Ahmed, my pregnancy and erratic hormones that came with it had been one of the most difficult.

He was amazingly patient but I could see that he felt compromised. Tense. Worried. It took a toll on us too. But through Allah’s mercy, we made it through and all I could say was that now that the triplets were finally here and I had worked a way around doing whatever I needed to do each day, Ahmed had become my backbone. I loved him unconditionally, irrevocably and even with all the craziness now with our scarily huge family was no other way I’d have it.

It had been a gut-wrenching two months of them in NICU, including an extremely nerve-wrecking experience when Adnaan was out on the ventilator because his lungs were not coping. And there is so much of truth that in every situation there’s goodness because it was only at this time when Siraj and I mended our relationship again when he came through when I needed that extra hand. He was going through a rough patch which I continuously spoke him through but he was still working on his marriage and even considering adopting. I felt like I had my uncle again and him being around made Adam’s chronic absence a little more manageable.
And so it went, but eventually after the longest haul of anxiety and stress, like rain after a drought, when the babies had finally come home, it was the most amazing feeling to have them all in one space with us. Aadam, Adnaan and Hawaa were the names we chose and although Hawaa was often with Zuleikha and Adnaan often with my mother, because I was always eager to welcome extra help, the three of them were such a joy to have around for everyone. Ahmed, surprisingly, was coping amazingly.

And right now as I stopped myself from rolling my eyes at my son and he actually answered Zaydaan really patiently and glanced at me, my heart soared at the man and father he had become, and I couldn’t help but crack a smile.

“Mama, I want a chocolate,” six year old Zaydaan said again.

“Only a kid would have to audacity to not even eat a single piece of proper food and still ask for a chocolate,” Ahmed complained, shaking his head. “Really.”

Little Hawaa was gurgling on his lap as he got up and handed her to Danyaal, raised his eyebrow at Zaydaan and I negotiating the chocolate deal, and then retired to get ready for the big function.

It was a big day for Yunus today and I could see that everyone was looking forward to it.

I looked at my son and shook my head, completely hopeless about the chances of  winning the argument about why chocolates at this part of the morning were not the most spectacular idea.

Oh yes, this parenting gig was no walk in the park. There were times when it made my nightmares feel like a happy place. The fact was that it was so easy to have an opinion about it, but so hard to actually do.

Yes, parenting was hard. It was all sorts of crazy and disorganized and completely unexpected but at the same time I really could not have ever imagined what my life would have been like without my crazy kids.

Against my better judgement, my mother had turned out to be the person who I would call now even at the last minute. It had been through everything that she had finally learnt to treasure the finer aspects of life. Through losing Adam, it had been a journey that made her want to never miss out on anything else. The triplets arrival was an event that no one would have imagined to be the event that gave her hope and put it into perspective all over again.

Sometimes it just takes a moment of realization and the pain that comes with losing something so valuable for you to reflect on your very existence. And it was then that I realised she was still clinging into the loss. Cut up that Adam had gone so soon. Guilty that she had lost out on so much of his life, this was her chance to change. It was her chance to make up for everything she felt she hadn’t done before. Finally, she had this inclination to be more than what she was and it was simply amazing to watch her evolve into someone who I knew my brother always wanted her to be.

I knew he would have been proud. I knew that he had seen it in her.

“Danyaal, please can you just watch Aadam for a bit?” I asked my eldest son as I grabbed the gift I had bought my sister-in-laws on this special occasion. The most exotic little lamps that made me feel happy inside. “I just need to finish wrapping these and then I’m popping into the shower before we the house starts getting crazy.”

My nearly-teenage son nodded and I paused a moment as I watched him take the baby out, not believing how the years flew by and my son was already taller than I was. As always, Danyaal was obliging and gentle, progressing even more so since Maulana Khalid had come into the picture, and I could only thank my Rabb immensely for the favour He had shown to me with regard to Dayyaan. I could not even remember the amount of times I had found myself awake during the depths of the night, praying so hard that that he doesn’t end up like his father. He always had this rebellious streak in him that seemed to catch me completely off guard, and there were times when I really feared for my sanity when it came to disciplining him.

It just so happened that one day, like an epiphany out of the blue, he woke up and decided that he wanted to start Hifdh, like Danyaal. It hadn’t taken much to figure out that my son had had it out with his father the day before and was now searching for an alternate track. Whether it was spite or not, all I knew was that I had to grab the opportunity with all I could. I had to show him the brighter side of life. Knowing that Shabeer could tell me nothing if it was his own choice, I prayed with all my might that he would take the route I was trying to offer. I prayed with all my might that Shabeer would encourage him to do it too, despite the fact that my ex-husband was never thinking on my train..

And no, he hadn’t suddenly become the perfect child, but for now, with starting Quran and giving more attention to beneficial things, my son was a much more pleasant kid-being. He answered when I called him. He spoke to Ahmed like he was a human. He even did the odd chore. The thing was, I would have never known it before, but once I saw the magic of pleading to my Rabb and the power of what Du’aa for your kids could do, it was something of an addiction. All I could do from then was continue to hope and pray that this wouldn’t end.

Knock knock.”

I spun around and tightened my scarf as I called to my brother-in-law to come in and told Zia to call Ahmed.

“Sorry to trouble, I just came to borrow some Oud from Ahmed,” Yunus said in his lazy voice, almost as if this was any normal day of the year and he was just popping by before going out.

I still could not believe how my in-laws were all so calm and together even in the face of the most nerve-wrecking situations. I would have literally been climbing the walls in his shoes.

“Go on up,” I said, pausing to gesture up the stairs. “Ahmed’s still changing.”

He nodded and I watched him leave, shaking my head to myself as I wondered how he was so calm today. Today we were all finally going to meet the girl who had captured his eye and eventually his heart and I actually couldn’t wait to see her. A new sister-in-law would be such a precious gift. The family was growing today and I loved it.

I hummed to myself, a little taken aback by the mercy that had been shown to us in so many ways. I still could not believe how lucky I was to be where I was, standing up straight and virtually unscathed from everything  life had dished out. I’d seen time and time again how many people’s live go on in that off-track and unwavering routine, where all that happens is the fulfillment of their wants and desires and nothing at all seems to put an end for the chase…

The thing is, we all get caught up. It’s normal to get trapped. Tangled up in a world that has taken over our lives so immensely that there seldom comes a time when we stop and think… maybe it’s time to pause. To stop the chase. To end the binge. There rarely comes a time when we sometimes catch a glimpse of the light even when we are stuck in the darkest of ruts.

And only the people who have felt this… who have been there… know exactly where I’m coming from. There is a deadly venom that pierces our hearts, when we become trapped in this world. It engulfs your being, turns your heart into a rusted vessel that alters your ambitions. This poison, is one that exists in everything that is but the Almighty. Music… pomp… entertainment… extravagance… it even makes you think that you’ve found peace in all of that sin you’ve been doing all along.

Once upon a time I was the girl who thought that life was about chasing your dreams. Desires. Ambitions. Being happy. I mean, who doesn’t want to just be happy right?  And I believed that I could find happiness in all the things that money bought me. Peace… I believed, could never be a permanent state. It was a place that existed only in moments where I felt free… fleeting… and ever so evasive.

And it was only because I had seen the light that had been shone onto mine and my brother’s worlds that I truly understood this value. I was once a broken-hearted and empty soul who was starved of nourishment. I had no desire except that which was for my very own misdirected ambition. I had no purpose until Khawlah had been sent to show us the deeper meaning that we had never see before.

And yes, I missed my brother. Every. Single. Day. It didn’t get easier. But there were moments, when I sat with my family, taking it all in, that it slipped my mind that there was once this charming soul who had captured us so completely. There were moments when I forgot that he was actually gone. When I allowed myself a chuckle with no reservation. When I smiled with nothing holding me back. When I got lost in the rhythm of life.

Those were the moments when I truly realised that in those small moments when I forgot the pain in this Duniyaa, I could not help but help imagine that in his eternal world in which we all had hopes that he had attained, his happiness, where he was right now, was completely unparalleled. The fact was that if Allah favours us in such a way that we can, even for a moment, in temporary Duniyaa forget our aches and pains, what then can be said of the state of the minds of those in eternal bliss? In delightful paradise? What then can be noted about those who are in that realm where Allah has promised us the ultimate freedom from worry and endless ease?

“Behold! Verily no fear shall be upon the friends of Allah, nor shall they grieve.”

No fear. No grief. Just inner peace. Every human being on earth is looking for something that can give it to them but the people who have truly found faith… they haven’t found it in a drink or a club or a drug…

Because peace, by definition, is not fleeting. There is nothing better than eternal Paradise to understand the eternity of that feeling…

And for now, knowing that one day, that was what awaited if I kept on striving… that was all I needed to know.


“Can you believe we’re actually here?”

It was early morning and the feeling in the air was one of those unique types. I just knew that it was going to be a special day. Well, it was going to be Yunus’s Nikah but well, wasn’t every day a special kind of day too?

My takkies squelched under the moist grass as we took our usual stroll through the park, today a little shorter than usual since we’d have to rush back to get ready. The twinkly sound of chirping birds were very audible in the near distance. The local park now boasted was a luscious garden of spring flowers, daisies and daffodils…  sunflowers and wildflowers…  spread in front of us as we looked ahead. Early morning nature was the most breathtaking kind.

My friend looked at me with a smile as we both looked ahead, taking delight in the little tweets and chirps that were coming from the tree above. How intricate and amazingly talented were birds? How spectacular were their nests that were weaved with so much of skill and grace? I couldn’t barely fathom how such tiny creatures could actually be so intelligent.

“Here we are, huh,” Khawlah said with a smile on her face as she watched Khadijah skip ahead to the men. “Our perfect kind of day. Doing the things we always wanted to do. With the kind of people we always wanted to spend time with…”

I smiled.

“My Mr Perfect finally came through for me, didn’t he?” I said softly, squinting slightly as I smiled into the unfiltered sun.

Khawlah nodded. It was about time. I had pined for my father and brother a lot in the first few months but once I adjusted to a new home, I knew that I was one of those hopeless girls who couldn’t do without her husband.

I looked ahead as he walked along with Maulana Khalid and Khadijah ahead of us. Sometimes good things do take a while to come by.

Faheem was the one awaited thing that had happened in the most unexpected way. He had turned out to be one of the closest friends I had, but also so amazingly sweet for putting up with me. Faheem was always ready to be the one to calm my storm, when it seemed to be getting out of control.

“Honestly,” I said, the thoughts  breathing in the crisp air as I looked ahead. “Who would have thought we’d be sitting here? You, me, Mr Muscle and Mr Miracle who came back from the dead… all here on this little walk into the sunshine. Do you realize how amazing this is?”

Khawlah just nodded and smiled. I mean, who would have ever thought that Maulana Khalid would come back the way he dod to seek her off her feet?

She had lifted her niqab and as the day light settled on her face, her eyes glinted slightly as she watched me.

”I still miss him,” she said suddenly, almost as if it was out of the blue. “Do you think it’s okay?”

My heart contracted slightly as I thought of it. How could it be not be okay?

There wasn’t a lot I knew about this but I took a deep breath, turned her chin up to face me and said what I knew.

“You’re never going to forget him,” I  murmured, as I thought of it. “You’re always going to remember that look in his eyes when he gazed at you, or the colour of his hair in the sun. You may have days when you’ll miss him more than you ever thought, and ever imagined, with all your heart.. but at the end of it… you know that you’ve been through the worst and it’s all turned out okay? It’s not even a question. You’re more than just okay.”

She nodded with a tiny smile and I wiped the tear from her cheek as I grinned back at her.

The thing is, after Aadam and Khawlah had tied the knot way back when, it was something so special to the impressionable girl I was back then that all I had ever wanted was to find that kind of love that could irrevocably change me for the better too. I knew that they had something special and deep with me, I really believed that everyone has that waiting for them. Whether it’s through a soul mate… husband… a child… or a best friend they meet along the way… I realized that many people along the journey have the ability to do so, through different channels.

What my courageous bestie had shown me along the way was something invaluable. Her strength and resilience was something that had kept me so motivated… that there was nothing more that I wanted for her than pure happiness…

Oh yes, there were times that I wondered whose story this was. Who was meant to be the star of her life. If it was young Khalid, who had featured way back when with so much of enthusiasm and conviction, leaving his presence lingering even when we thought it was gone… or if it was Aadam who had come to sweep my friend off her converse clad feet, showing her a beauty of promises and pots of gold that definitely do exist beyond the rainbow…

And then it struck me that maybe those bits and pieces that stood out.. those little moments that were somewhat broken and tangled at the same time, maybe that’s what they were meant to be – they were meant to just be a string of little moments that would somehow weave together to eventually give us one amazing story that would blow us all away. Maybe Khawlah had many stars of her life. Maybe I did too.

Maybe these stars were our reason. Gifts. Granted so that we may enjoy and take the best out of them, for that season of our lives when we may need them the most. Maybe they are sent down from a source of Greatest Love, and as if these gifts aren’t valuable enough, you’re reminded of the Giver – the Generous One who gifted them to you. They are divine from the Divine. Through them He is lovingly telling you:

Raise your head. You are not defined by the pains you’ve endured. By how others perceive you. You are not merely a product of difficult times. You are more than your circumstances. You are special. You are worthy. You have so much ahead of you and for you. Here is My proof for you.’

And then the person is sent at the right time, taking you with them on this amazing journey of magical motions and gracing you with exactly what needs to be fed to your starving soul.

Through His precision in choice of person and timing, you’re reminded that He cares and loves you so very much. It is only One who is constantly watching you with such intensity, that is able to send you what you need at the exact time that will cause maximum effect on your mind and heart.

The truth was that when Aadam had passed on I was just as devastated as my friend. I had lost hope. I was feeling utterly despondent, aching for my friend because I wasn’t sure if she’d ever open her heart like she had back then. And yes, maybe I might have been a little too pushy and bossy but I knew her better than anyone else and I knew exactly what she needed to feel that kind of beautiful kind of love again.

”Twice over,” I murmured, feeling particularly emotional as I thought of it. “Twice over… Allah granted us so much more than we ever thought we would have.”

“It’s been a journey, hasn’t it?”She said, shaking her head. ”And after all that I can’t believe that my searching for the rainbow’, sunshine after the storm’ , bubbly bestie is actually going to be a mother…”

Sometimes the thought was scary to me too. There were moments when I forgot. When I actually couldn’t believe that in just 3 months the baby would be here.

”Are you as freaked out at the idea as I am?” I grinned, nudging my friend in the ribs. “Imagine if he or she is exactly like me?”

Khawlah giggled.

”I can’t wait to meet her,” she said with a twinkle in her eye. “It will make me love her all the more…

I placed my hand on the bump that was now a little more than just protruding, feeling an amazing kind of contentment as I felt the little rhythm of life within me. Pregnancy was so amazing in so many ways…

And oh yes, I just couldn’t wait to see the other side of it too…


”You think it’s time to say goodbye?”

Khalid looked at me with a his lopsided smile and shook his head. It was an hour after we had sat for a impromptu picnic under the trees, enjoying the last bits of morning breeze before we would rush off to the crazy day ahead once again. It was, by far, one of my favorite kind of days. As the sun graced us with its presence, the trees were rustling along, almost to their own kind of rhythm, caressing us with the most gentle of breeze.  The view of the local park today was like something out of a perfect picture… or one of those amazing portraits… only better. I dwelled on it a little longer as I looked ahead.

Soon we’d leave to get ready and fetch Dada, but for the meantime Faheem and Nusaybah has just left, giving us a few minutes alone for a while as our minds were still trying to wrap around everything that had happened and was still to come. Without doubt, it was bound to be an eventful day, and yes, I wanted to enjoy this part of serene nature a little longer before the emotions that would engulf us all later that day.

Ahead of us, the audible splashing of the little pond sounded as I spotted Khadijah a safe distance on its edge watching the fish, immersed in my own train of thought as I watched her, I didn’t even notice Khalid looking me intently…

”You’re really going to miss him, aren’t you?”

One amazing thing about Khalid was that he was always so perceptive.

I shifted my gaze to my husband as I glanced away from my daughter. His hat was on the grass next to him and his Kurta was hung on the bench nearby. Today, in the outdoor light, his eyes seemed almost as blue as the perfect spring skies. As a kid, I recalled how they would change with his mood too. Today, he seemed a little subdued. A little pensive, as he watched me lost in my thought too.

”He’s been the constant,” I said softly, knowing he was talking about Yunus “Always there. And can you imagine how devastated Khadijah will be when she realizes that she might not see him every day?”

I glanced at my daughter momentarily as I said it. Although I was thrilled for yunus when he said Maulana Umar’s young niece was a perfect match for him, I could not help but feel that slight tug in my heart.

”He’s not going to be gone forever,” Khalid said, giving a small smile as he put his Quran back onto his top pocket.

He had been reciting softly for the past few minutes, and as I watched him, I honestly could not think of anyone who was more in love with the Quran than him. How Allah had shaped and moulded him through these years he was away was something that awed me every time I thought of it…

I looked at Khalid as he watched me, closing my eyes for a minute to soak in the fresh spring air. The air felt so crisp… so filled with opportunities. Oh yes, it was definitely our favorite part of the year once again.

“Yes, but he’ll have a new life,” I said softly, picking at some weeds as I looked away. “A wife has a right to her husbands unreserved time…”

“Hmmm,” he said, running his hands through his beard pensively. “I don’t think-“

His sentence was cut off at that moment as our daughter bounced back energetically, obviously now tired of watching fish as she spontaneously plopped herself into Khalid’s lap and turned to look at him crossly.

Abbee,” she moaned. “You said we’re leaving! Please can we go now!”

If there was one thing I could say, it was that almost four-year-old Khadijah was the one who called the shots in the family. With her eccentric character and bossy nature, it was no wonder that she often did get a good scolding from me. I supposed that it had something to do with the fact that as a child, I recalled myself having the same character traits and that Khalid had developed some experience in that regard.

That aside, Khalid, being who he was, was just much more patient. Humoring of others. Even through a smile, or a nod, or the patience of listening even when it didn’t seems so appealing to. Like the Sunnah of Our beloved Prophet (SAW), his love shone through in his character and everything he did. A profound love that caused the lover to venerate the Beloved (SAW) and the fruit of emulation will always be reaped…

“Okay, okay, we’re going,” he said softly, trying to pacify her. “But there’s still some time so before the function, so hows about a Duaa?”

It was like their thing. Du’aa. Strange but yet so, so comforting. I watched them as they sat crossed leg now, squabbling about nothing really in particular as they raised their hands and went about one of their favorite acts of worship.

And it was so because not only did I take refuge in asking and relying on my Lord, whenever I would sit and pray, my mind would naturally just take me back to the time that I was humbled by the words that Aadam had told me once upon a time.

There was just something about connecting to Allah whilst connecting to the ones you loved. It was something that I had told Khalid about too.. and there was something so soothing about it that I couldn’t help but remember just how beautiful it made me feel at the time as we sat watching the trees swaying with the wind, my mind took me back to the moments when Aadam had put his head down on his Musallah, watching me before placing his head on the ground, and then speaking.

“I love this,” Aadam had said. “Right here, right now, when I’m sitting at my lowest… Im not a computer whizz… not an award-winner… not a famous programmer… I’m nothing. I’m just your annoying husband and a slave to my master and I love it…”

The words had shot straight to my heart right then, and just remembering them again humbled me like never before. And his words thereafter would be engraved in my heart forever.

Whatever happens… My wish for you, always, is that you’re always smiling. That your life becomes what you want it to. That your dreams stay big and your worries stay small. That you never have to carry more than you can hold.
And while you are out there, getting where you’re getting to and doing what you do best, changing lives and hearts the way you changed mine, well… I hope you remember that someone loves you. That someone loved you with all their heart, and wants the same things you want too. I hope you remember that. I hope you find a joy in your new rhythm of life, but I hope you still remember me. 

I looked up at him with a frown, obviously angry that he had even suggested a ludicrous thought like that. He didn’t know back then that Allah had granted me a walking and talking gift that was a credit to him in every way.

“Yeah,” he said frankly, raising his one eyebrow and shrugging while he ignored my look of disdain. “That’s my Du’aa. That’s my wish.”

Du‘aa. It was a magic that took you to another level of faith. It was a plea from the innermost depths of the soul.

Oh yes, there was nothing quite like it.

“Oh King of Kings, we ask but we are not worthy…”

Oh yes, we really weren’t…

I shifted my thoughts to the present as Khalid pushed the hair back from out of Khadijah’s eyes and pulled her into his lap whilst cupping his hands over hers and continued with his Duáa.

Yup, it was most definitely their thing.

Ya Allah, when one of us forgets to say Bismillah at the table, let us remind her about the One who loves her so much and gives her all the yummy food…”

He smiled winked at Khadijah as he said it, and she cracked a small smile, before turning serious again.

Ya Allah,” he murmured, his icy eyes dancing as he watched her expression. “When one of us does those naughty little things, let us try not to scold her too much…”

Khadijah was grinning at him knowingly, finding it very amusing.

Ya Allah, when one of us gets a bit grumpy because Mummy shouts, let us be the ones to make her smile…”

Her smile was wider yet as she glanced at me and he cupped his hands tighter around hers and went on.

Ya Allah, when one of us has a big mouth, please protect our ears from being twisted..”

He glanced at me cheekily as he said it and I narrowed my eyes at him. Khalid hated me laying finger on her, but in all honesty, there were times when nothing else worked.

Ya Allah,” he said, his smile wavering as he now looked pensive as he spoke. “Grant us the company of those who never get tired of becoming closer to you. Ya Allah, let our heart yearn for You. Unite us as a family. Let us remind each other about You. Ya Allah, let us push each other, when we forget our goals. Let us remind each other to make each other happy, when we are disappointed down by someone else. Ya Allah, let us remind each other about Jannah, when we get too involved in this world.
Ya Allah, let us be the kind of people that works towards you, towards Jannah, where Khadijah’s Abba lives. Ya Allah, give Khadijah’s Abba the most beautiful palace in Jannah, so when we go there, we can go have our daily tea party with him too…”

I smiled tearfully as he glanced at me, thrilled by Khadijah’s largest smile yet as he mentioned Aadam. And just as smoothly, he continued, switching to Arabic as he grinned back at me and said:

Ya Allah, give us more than we ever expect of you. More patience. More love. More beautiful kids just like Khadijah.”

I looked up as he said it, widening my eyes at him as he smiled to himself.

Ya Allah,” he concluded, looking as peaceful as ever, “We know we’ve asked for so much more than we deserve, but just make us the perfect couple, not in the sight of people… but in your sight, Ya Allah…”

Perfection. Ah yes. We were always aspiring for that place that we can never reach but yet we strive. Perfection was what I always thought of when I imagined Aadam. Perfection was a place that existed only beyond this realm.

Perfection belongs only to the Lord of the Worlds. The Lord we know Who, in His Perfect, Kind and Subtle ways, sends us so much more than we deserve. The One who keeps reminding us that we will never be forgotten by the King of Kings who knows our past in all its detail, sees our present and knows our future.

In all the stories my daughter will hear, it will not be the princes that will slay the dragons but the little girls who had Allah in their hearts, with big, brave consciences and even bigger dreams.
She will learn to rely on the sword of Tawakkul, in every battle, in every struggle, in every war. She will learn to trust in the One Who controls and devour even the inner monster from within her core.

Yes, she will be brave, even if it’s from only within, fighting the battles she would face with conviction and the certainty that Only Allah could save her and fix her, even when the storm was way up against her.

Too often in life, we look for the best of things in the worst of places. We wait for Friday, for summer, for someone whose going to show us the way. At the end of it all, we have to stop waiting for that one defining thing to happen that will inspire our release. And at the end of it all there is a beautiful fulfillment, a fulfillment that can not compare to any other.

And as I looked at Khalid, I realised that the people around us either raise us or lower us. We all need people, in our rhythm of life, who lift us, remind us and encourage us to strive for our true purpose. I could smile now with gratitude because even after everything, I now understood how far I’d come and how I fought to become the person I was. How when I put my trust in Allah, all the pieces the world had broken my heart into, joined together and made it whole again. And when I cast my gaze towards the One who healed my shattered heart, there was only one thing that shone out, as clear as ever.

Only with that, we are able to see the perfect picture. Priceless and timeless. Indulgence, to the finest degree. Reclining on thrones of gold. Unaffected by anything that could even potentially affect any of it’s inhabitants.

Because in Jannah, it’s ultimate bliss. In Jannah, there is no hatred or envy. No malice or dispute. No depression or oppression. The greetings will surround us, as the angels convey to us their Salaam. We’ll once again be with those dear and lost, with those whom we loved, meeting with our beloved Master (SAW) sipping from goblets of the finest types, to converse and immerse ourselves in glory… Aware that our Lord is most definitely pleased with how we had fared in this life.

Jannah. Where every desire is a thought away. Jannah, where the is no fear or grief.

Jannah, and the pleasure of seeing Him, the Lord of the Worlds.

To the righteous it will be said], “O reassured soul, Return to your Lord, well-pleased and pleasing [to Him], And enter among My [righteous] servants

And enter My Paradise.”

Qur’an: Surah al-Fajr (The Dawn) 89:27-30:

And yes, now, it was so, so clear. Now, I understood it all. Everything was as it was and I’d finally learnt to say goodbye, because truly, theres no victory greater …

And there’s not much else that could ever compare to that.

My Dearest Readers

In all fairness, let me just come out and say that I was avoiding this last post…. and it took so long to come… because really and honestly, I didnt know how to say goodbye to every one of you lovely readers for being here on this writing journey with me. It really kept me grounded and I really don’t know what I would have done without reminding myself constantly about the aspects of Deen that I hoped to convey here.

I know that many of the readers are hoping for another blog, but the thing is, my life at times is a little crazy and committing to writing full time will be unfair to the readers. Because I’m such a crazy perfectionist when it comes to writing, posts take a really long time to pen and since my family has grown once again, Alhumdulillah… you could probably imagine that my free time is almost non-existent. ❤️

Like everyone else, I’m still aspiring to be the best mother and daughter and wife (and Muslimah too!) but that too comes with commitment, time and patience. I know many of you are grateful for me doing this. For writing in a way that might have inspired or educated, but the truth is that I should be  grateful to you for reading. Without readers, none of this would have happened, so I just want to say thank you. May Allah bless you. This has helped me just as much as it’s helped anyone else. It’s inspired me more than anyone else. I’m so grateful because the motivation and comments or likes or even the stats made me hope that maybe someone was reading something and learning and changing… or even thinking of taking the ultimate plunge like Aadam or Rubeena or Waseem or Ziyaad and turning their life around. 

I ask only for your Du’aas, hoping that although I loved penning this story more than ever, it is time to let it go and move on to my duties.
On a lighter note, I also feel that I’m getting older and my brain is slowly deteriorating too, so I’m so sorry- but porridge brain is definitely real. *smile*

A few small advices I’ll bring back from what I had once mentioned before: 

Remember our ultimate destination often. Keep company with the pious, be good to others, make shukar for the small things. Try and remember that this world is not for us. Preserve this Deen and don’t take it for granted. Allah Ta’ala is the only refuge we have, so don’t look for solace with anyone or through anything else.

The lessons are endless, and I wish I could remind us of every one today. After all, it’s no use reading and being inspired if we don’t make amal and put into practise. So take heed, and protect yourself, because at the end of the day, we are responsible for our own Aakhirah.

JazakAllah Khair to all the readers, fans and those who offered advice and and constructive criticism as well. May Allah (SWT) reward you abundantly. Will reply to comments as soon as time allows.

A humble request for Du’aas, as I am greatly in need of them. May Allah accept all our efforts in gaining closeness to Him, and help this weak writer to practise whatever has been said first. May Allah grant us all contentment in this world and the hereafter. Aameen

So much left to say yet I don’t quite know how to…

Leave a comment or mail me at journeyinajournal@webmail.co.za if you want. 

I leave you’ll with one last Sunnah that really struck a chord with me as I wrote this post.

Nabi (SAW) had a beautiful characteristic of always humouring others. Whether it was through a smile, a kind word or just lending an ear, he (SAW) made everyone feel amazing and important and I feel that it’s such a humbling and beautiful characteristic to attain. May Allah grant us the most beautiful of characteristics and character. 

Please remember our Sunnah revival… and do remember me in your duaas. 

Much, much love,


A xx

Whoever observes my Sunnah, loves me. And whoever loves me, shall be with me in Paradise. (Tirmidhi)

How easy to practice …












Twitter: @ajourneyjournal