Saaliha Part 25
A whole new world can open up when we see things in a different way… when instead of looking at the doors that close; we see ones that open.
There’s a saying that goes, ‘Men have sight… women have insight.’
And if you think about it, it really rings so true. It’s just the little things that we do or notice that sometimes makes the world of difference…
And I’m no food connoisseur but I can tell you that when a women loves something, she gives it her all. A woman is someone who often puts her heart and soul into anything she adores. And if there’s something that I’ve come to love, cooking had become my refuge at times when I most needed it.
The thing was, as a teenager, I’d always been particularly sporty. An athlete, I supposed people would say. I never, in my wildest dreams, thought I’d become addicted to a stove but when cooking became a passion, I sort of channeled some of that energy into my new ‘sport’.
I mean, who said cooking can’t be a sport? And though I sometimes hit the treadmill and did a work out or two with lunges and a cardio-inducing routine, my constant that would calm me down; help me to think… clear my mind… was to stir and cook up a storm.
And when it came to cooking, as much as I enjoyed my traditional rice dishes… as many of us do (especially lamb Briyani on Friday afternoons), it’s common knowledge that as women.. Indian women… no-one just makes a pot of Briyani and leaves it at that.
Simply put, Briyani is not Briyani if there’s no extra mile that includes the sour milk with greens, or the mango pickle or even the sambles, which we often call katchumar (don’t even ask where that word originated from because I have no idea).
Sometimes sojee (sweet semolina dish with butter) is the starter or the dessert.. and of course, there’s always the possibility of vermicilli or some other sweet dish instead.
And that’s basically the standard menu after the Jumuah prayer but the point isn’t that.
Honestly, there’s no end to how extensive the meal could get… but the point I’m trying to make here is not really about Indian cuisine.
The point is that we, as women… we go all out. We put everything into that meal, when we want to impress. Whether it’s our families or husband, everything has to be perfect. Complete. We will go the extra mile, put our heart and souls into something that could have been seemingly simple… because we want that little bit of recognition. We appreciate the appreciation. We thrive on that little bit of hope that our efforts will be understood… and that smile… or that ‘thank you’… or even the mere knowledge that the food has met expectations… well, that’s enough, right?
And when he says it… when he makes that eye contact and tells us that our food has made the cut… well, that elation we feel at the compliment… it’s simply gratifying. Our heart and soul has been satisfied.. our efforts have paid off.
But somehow, I wasn’t sure if I was getting it all right. All that effort, and the extra time we take… as well as the toil involved…
Have we ever stopped to only imagine what the situation would be like, if we put our heart and soul into pleasing our Rabb? If, with every breath of His name we take, we give our all? If with every Salaah, we really prayed like it was our last? If we held back nothing when it came to our Ibaadat… giving it our every inch of ourselves in the process?
Because in everything else we do that, why can’t we put our focus into doing it for the one who created our heart and soul?
And it’s not only about food. Sometimes we invest in a career. A relationship. A pass-time that doesn’t give us benefit. And because we put our heart and soul into the lesser things, often times, the investment backfires on us..
When then we end up focusing on the wrong things, and we are let down. Sometimes we are let down so badly that it seems like there are a hundred doors slammed in our face, before one finally remains open. Sometimes you have to be broken a little, to realise how it feels to finally be complete.
I glanced at myself in the mirror, next to the entrance of my open plan kitchen and lounging area, taking in the hijab-clad woman who was now in her early 30’s but still looking like that girl who was a little broken back then.
I couldn’t help but let my mind wander back to that less than amazing time of my life as I pushed the oven open and placed the casserole of pasta in the oven to melt the cheese… making sure the oven setting was perfect before closing it tightly shut again.
And it was just at that moment when Imraan stepped in, smiling brightly as he saw me.
Since forever, my husband and I make it a point to drop whatever we’re doing when the other person walks through the door at the end of the day to greet them, give them a kiss or hug and connect. Even if it’s just a moment before I turn back to cooking or dishes or whatever.., we always pause to let the other know they’re priority and we’re glad they’re home.
“Hey sweets,” he murmured, planting a kiss on my cheek as I wiped my hands on my apron. “Assalamualaikum. Where’s everyone?”
”Wa alaykum salaam,” I said, smiling back at him as he peeped into the pot on the stove. “I’m here. Who else are you looking for?”
I was teasing him, because I knew that he was looking for Uthman or Hamzah, who was here for the past week.
Last Hamzah was skulking around on the patio, keeping to himself, when I saw Uthman kind of sigh out of frustration and go and play with his ball outside.
Shame. The poor child did get lonely. The thing was, Hamzah was barely talking to anyone, which was absolutely shocking because when Hamzah and my son were together they usually couldn’t stop talking about cars, driving cars or watching car videos together. Uthman was too young to understand matters of the heart.
I hated to admit it, but I could see what kind of space Hamzah was in.
Rejection is a hard pill to swallow. No matter what the situation, when things don’t work out, there’s no pretty way to put it.
It was something that I was all too familiar with. A part of my past that I had tucked away, underneath the creases of where life had taken me, beneath the crevices of where I had hid away the feelings that had been buried and forgotten so long ago…
Imraan was watching me with his sparkly brown eyes, as if he was trying to read my thoughts. And when he did… He was usually on point. He knew me too well to tell that my mind was occupied. The thing was… I couldn’t exactly tell him that since Hamzah had been here in all his brokenness- my mind also had been pretty corroded with thoughts of my own past.
The thing was; some painful memories never leave you completely. Making peace with the past had taken longer than I had thought.
And I won’t mince my words, but when Bilal had called my own wedding off, literally a day before the Nikah, my parents had simply told me that it was for the best. That Allah wouldn’t take something away without replacing it with something better. That when one door closes, sometimes a brand new, amazing new door will open up. Everything happens for a reason, they said, extremely calmly, but I hadn’t believed them or any of it.
Well, not until Imraan came along and I realised that this was exactly what they were talking about. That someone was going to come along to erase everything from the past, who wouldn’t care if I’d been proposed and things didn’t work out.
Who didn’t really worry about stigmas or the talks around… or about what was going on in the small town that we lived in.
Imraan, the guy I chose… who came to see me a few months later with such a striking sense of compassion and understanding was a definite contrast to Bilal’s stern demeanour, and completely different in almost every way. And though his best friend was Bilal’s brother-in-law, it made no difference to me because once Imraan became part of my life, when Nikah had healed me, I no longer felt like I had been broken into tiny pieces anymore, and I didn’t feel that sting when I saw Bilal with my cousin or witnessed them get on with their life. It was all okay, because I accepted that it was meant to be.
And that’s when I realised that Allah’s plan sometimes doesn’t unfold immediately. Sometimes it takes a little more time before you see the beauty in a seemingly warped situation. Sometimes there is something that may seem to be good for you, but Allah knew the harm it would have done, had it gone according to what you wanted…
”How has he been?” Imraan asked, cutting through my thoughts as he took a seat on the kitchen stool, his one leg placed over his thigh. Looking pensive. His voice was low as he glanced outside.
I could see Hamzah from where I was. He was lying listlessly on his back in the common patio area, arm slung over his eyes, almost immune to us even being on the same property, never mind 10 metres away. There were three separate houses on the property and though he stayed in his place usually, he came to the main house for most meals. The last few days though, he’d barely even ate anything.
It was really strange, considering how he was usually the biggest fan of my food and wasn’t usually shy when it came to eating. I had made his favourite pasta today, hoping it would draw at least a positive be vibe but I wasn’t so sure of it would work. Being married since the time he was a teenager, he was like a little brother to me too… especially since him and my own little brother were around the same age.
Hamzah didn’t ever come to the main house unless Imraan was around. Since he’d become mature enough to understand, he kept a respectable distance, although he always had a story or two to humour us with when he did come in. Now, though, it was like he was a different person and I just couldn’t help but feel so terrible for him…
The thing was, I always thought that men never got emotional. That they took things with a pinch of salt and moved on. After the whole proposal with Mohsina breaking off, this was something I never anticipated happening.
“I think he just needs some time,” I said softly.
Imraan nodded and sighed.
Of course he would understand. He was someone who was most in tune with people’s emotions… more than anyone else. And that’s why, when Imraan and I had made Nikah, he delved right into my emotions, without any hesitation. He don’t want me to harbour old feelings. He got to know me in a way that he even wanted to do the things I loved too. Being a sporty personality, he took it in his stride to have competitions with me, to run with me on our farm plot, and to even sometimes knock around with a tennis racquet. That’s what you do when you love someone, and besides that, he firmly believed that a healthy and active lifestyle was part of being a good Muslim. If you’re not doing Halaal things that make you thrive and pose a challenge, it’s inevitable that you will resort to Haraam.
Besides that, to be active and fit with your spouse was a great way to bond and observe a Sunnah.
It was reported Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h.) raced with Aisha his wife and she outran him. After a couple of years they raced again and this time he outran her, so he said, “this time makes up for the other.” – [Ahmad,Safwat as-Safwah, vol. I, p. 68]
I smiled sadly, as we both took a seat on the counter, even though the mat on the floor was already set for our meal. It had become a norm for us to eat on the floor, since Uthman had turned 6.
”I think let’s do this,” Imraan said softly. “Can we maybe ask someone who can motivate him… maybe Molvi can talk to him? Or what about Maulana Aadil? Isn’t Fareeha coming later?”
Ah, yes. Of course. Maulana Umar (aka Molvi) was Imraan’s best friend and childhood friend,and it would be great to get his advice here… but my sister and her husband were going to be here and Maulana Aadil always had a different way of looking at things.
I was sure that he was going to have something useful to say and as I heard my sisters laughter in the doorway about twenty minutes later as we rounded up supper, I already felt like the cloud that was looming above us was slightly lifted. Hamzah had come in for all of 5 minutes, taken a plate of pasta and sat outside to eat. I was just glad that he was eating a little more though.
Imraan and him had been sitting outside since then and I could see them chatting away, inaudibly, as I glanced out the sliding door, whilst cleaning up the floor mat.
I smiled as Fareeha’s girls ran outside, obviously excited about the open spaces here, I couldn’t help but grin at their eccentric matching outfits. Her little boy was waddling away after them. My sister had the most unexpected dress sense for her three, but they all looked surprisingly cute.
Both Fareeha and her husband were such positive and comical personalities and having them around for these two weeks was such a pleasure. My two nieces often outspoke their mother, and there was no other way I’d have it. It was always so wonderful to have them all here at the farm.
Being here, settling in, after the fast pace of Johannesburg life was welcomed but it also got a bit lonely when there wasn’t a stream of visitors in and out.
A lot had changed since I was younger. Many of the younger family members had moved away from the small town into bigger cities and some families had even relocated completely, as the elder of the family passed away. Still though, the greenery was soothing for my soul. I knew that this was what was best for us too… to be away from the prying eyes of people who kept on asking why I didn’t have more kids… or why I don’t give my son a sibling. The scrutiny was beginning to kill me… and I appreciated being there now, more than ever. At l least my mum was still not too far away, and Mehnaaz, my elder sister, also popped by occasionally.
I turned my gaze back to my younger sister, watching her walk in with her flowing Abaya, her niqab into her head now as she entered the kitchen.
”Hey lovely,” she cooed, coming up and enveloping me in a huge hug. She placed the Tupperware she was holding on the counter. “I brought cupcakes. Must I make some masala chai? Laila sent me this simple and easy masala chai on Instagram and the other day but it’s made in a huge pot and I’m dyyyying to make it. I actually haven’t even had a chance to breathe since I came, we’ve been soooooo hectic… I feel like I’m getting more popular with age, so many people are inviting us home, yoh… how’s everything going?!”
I laughed. The Instagram recipes never ended. At least they used social media it for good stuff. Well. Most of the time. For my own sanity, I kept off social media. When I did go on, I got carried away and found myself going from one thing to the next in mere seconds.
“So you guys been busy, huh?” I asked with a smile.
That’s what happens when you come home to your farm town after a few months. Laila and Fareeha had been best friends since school days and she was also in town last week. Everyone wants a piece of you when you’re back. When I lived in Jo’burg it was the same story. Fareeha sighed and plopped herself on the stool, looking utterly exhausted as she grabbed a custard biscuit from the container that lay on the table.
Baking was a constant in our house. Even though cooking was fun for me, baking had become equally therapeutic… my go-to whenever I felt a little stressed or under the weather. It was one of the things that I often found myself talking about with Mohsina, not expecting her to also have a passion for it as well. She was actually someone who I really came to like. I was just sorry that it had turned out badly…
What exactly happened between Hamzah and her, I wasn’t sure. I didn’t want to pry and ask too many questions.
I knew that it was wishful thinking but I really hoped that they would sort it out.
And as I watched Fareeha making the tea that night whilst we chatted about general things, I was hoping that Maulana Aadil was doing some magic on my brother-in-law to get him to come around and set things right with her.
Fareeha was busy with the kids, seeing to them while I tried to help where I can. She finally emerged from the dining room where the two girls were having a small tiff – looking absolutely fed-up.
Her face was a picture of irritation and I honestly couldn’t blame her. Juggling the temperaments and grievances of three kids couldn’t be easy. As much as I wanted so badly to have more kids, I did understand what the challenge was. Seeing Fareeha was almost enough to make me reconsider. Almost but not quite.
And of course, I expected her to write it off as them being the usual kind of kids who tested you to no bounds, but what she said next was kind just a little out of the ordinary.
“I’m so sick of these kids!” she said, collapsing on the chair again, grabbing her cup of chai whilst she stuffed her mouth with a cupcake.
I didn’t want to say anything. Fareeha had been loading on a few extra kilos in the recent months but I didn’t realise how bad it actually was. She was already on cupcake number 6. With ganache and fresh cream…
“Shame, I’m sure they can be a handful,” I said sympathetically, trying to be cool while I moved the container away from her. “But Far, all kids are hectic. These days will pass and soon they’ll be-”
“Don’t you dare start with me!” she warned me, narrowing her eyes as she cut me off. “I’ve had enough comforting and coaxing. I can’t handle anymore kids. As much as Aadil is pushing for them, I’m compelled to reject his suggestions. I simply cannot manage with even one more.”
I pursed my lips.
We were one two sides of the fence. It was quite something seeing the other side of things though. Seeing someone who was so overwhelmed and exhausted by the whole parenting thing when I was so desperate for it.
“So he wants how many more?” I asked carefully, pulling a weird face.
Three was a good number. Well, I had always thought so, for Imraan and I. We just couldn’t even get to number 2. As always, I made shukar for my only son…
“At least two more!” she exclaimed with big eyes and a comical voice. “Can you believe him?!! I told him NO WAYS! If he wants more kids he must get another wife to do all the hard work. There’s no way I’m having more of his children. They’ve made me batty as it is.”
Only Fareeha would be so nuts to say such crazy things. I shook my head at her. I hope she wasn’t going to get herself into a problem.
“Fareeha, are you mad?!” I reprimanded her. “You can’t tell a man things like that. Even if you are joking. You never know what they will do… what doors it will open.”
She shrugged, as if it didn’t bother her. Like, did she really forget what happened with my mother and father all those years ago, when Mummy let go of herself?
She will swallow her words if it were to really happen. When Papa had taken another wife, we were already much older… as Fareeha insisted we find out who, when, how and all the rest because it bugged her so much.
She was feeling the worst for my mother and my mother was at least 15 years older than what Fareeha was now.
“So what did he say?” I pressed, panicking for my sister.
I was quite the possessive type, even though Far was the complete opposite. Maybe I had to have a chat with Laila about this. Laila had a way of getting through to Fareeha. Perhaps she could talk sense into my sister.
She was really behaving like a crazy woman. Off the hinges, with no control or care about herself even. She was definitely going to regret this.
“He said I have the right attitude,” she said proudly with a smirk.
I raised my eyebrows. Both Maulana Aadil and Fareeha were known to be a bit unusual on the whole. Cute in a way but also erratic and crazy, but this was just making me worried.
“What do you mean the ‘right attitude’?” I asked with a frown.
“He means,” she explained, taking one last bite of the cupcake she had and then pulling the Tupperware from me and opening it for another one. “That women need to stop behaving like it’s something wrong or out of the ordinary for a man have more than one wife.”
It was just always such a gossip factor for people.
Fareeha was chewing noisily as she went on, waving her hand dramatically.
“What’s the big deal?” She said nonchalantly. “Like it doesn’t mean she’s not good enough or anything like that. He is in full agreement that when it’s done the proper Sunnah way, there is always benefit. And I agree. He said that I must find him one at the end of next month.”
Uh oh. She was leaving way too many doors open here.
I couldn’t quite believe them. Was this another way of looking at things or was it just ridiculous?
Okay, I know… I know. It’s a controversial topic, especially for us ladies…
but someone asked me about this recently so would appreciate any thoughts? 💕
Revive the Sunnah of being Active
Especially in this day and age when there are so many haraam things available for entertainment, it’s crucial that we try and adopt a clean environment or even a hobby that’s beneficial and Halaal.
In one of the Hadiths, Abu Hurairah mentioned that The Messenger of Allah (Peace and Blessing be upon him) said that:” A strong believer is better and dearer to Allah than a weak one, and both are good.”
This particular Hadith outlines the importance of being healthy and strong physically, which shows that exercises and keeping fit are important for Muslims. In a world where everything is one click away, people are no longer willing to do any effort to stay in good health physically or eat well.
I like this topic… Can’t wait to see where its going.
Hmm I think it’s an Indian thing that second wives are taboo… Like in Arab countries its completely normal for a man to have more than one wife.
So I think its because that’s how our society has moulded us into thinking. But, and I could be wrong, I also think that it’s the way that Indian men go about getting a second wife. Especially in the older generations, a man would have an affair and then when he gets caught, he would quickly make nikaah and then say that he’s following the sunnah. So that had obviously scarred a lot of women.
The truth is that it is part of our deen, in the Quran and sunnah and that we can not look down on the law of shariah.
For me, I would definitely take it personally and feel like I wasn’t a good enough wife and that’s why my husband took another one🙈 and besides which person really wants to share their most prized possession?? Although I have also been guilty of telling my husband the same thing when he mentions having more kids👅
I have seen a close family member go through this and it was very difficult for her and her kids… but maybe also because its considered a stigma in our society and that’s how we were brought up…
sorry for the long comment🙈🙈 lovely writing, can’t wait to see what’s next!
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Yes, that’s the thing… most times it’s how men use to fix an affair and it’s not done for Sunnah reasons where they marrying a divorced or a widowed woman… I think we all would take it personally, no matter what.
Some ladies though. Well, they’re stronger I think. Less jealous? Is that even possible. SubhaanAllah, I really admire that, when a sister wants to help another sister and share her husband. It really does happen (more so in other countries)
That’s why I love hearing peoples opinions .. really would like to know … 💕 Shukran sister
Hehe… I think we all tell our husbands that at some point, but when it comes down to it… I wonder how we would really act if he does it 👅
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I tell my hubby like that when I’m tired and somehow my apa found out . She was really furious because then there is no understanding.. it’s only and only a blame game..
She explained how bin this world there is only 1 sided then.. usually men get pulled by beauty. And it’s kids who suffer.. sad reality
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That’s true too.
Generally it’s a game, but when men’s needs are satisfied at home, most times they learn to lower their gazes and behave 🙈
It does affect the whole family… but not always in a bad way. It depends how the woman deals with it too.
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So true.. but at the moment noone marries the less destitute or the widows.. that was the original maqsad of the sunnah?
Please correct me if I’m wrong
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This is true. But no one does it for those pure reasons anymore 🙈
But then again, there are cases I’ve heard of where a man has married a divorced or widowed woman… but the first wife or kids don’t accept, and that ends in more divorce ..
it can be a vicious cycle unfortunately
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I think its very hard for women simply because Indian women do alot for their husbands so their whole lives revolvesaround their spouse hence the emptiness is hard to fill
Some how men conveniently forget the sunnah of helping in the home
I’m not against the sunnah of marrying again
I would love to see more men follow the sunnah of even marrying multiple wives
But i want to see more men move away from the culture of being served in the household
I dnt expect men to do everything BUT when I look around me I see a society of indian men who have the mindset that housework isnt my job
Men want more kids coz they not actively involved in looking after them ..personally I feel its selfish of men esp when the wife clearly cant manage
I am yet to see an Indian father carry a new born baby so his wife can shop for groceries
sooo sorry for My ranting
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This is true. It’s easy for them to say Sunnah for that but other Sunnah is conveniently left out 🙈
Love the rants, this is what I wanted to see… coz these opinions give me a solid argument if I need for my own husband… (he says he doesn’t have the capacity for another wife but you never know 👅)
I’m also not against it. I’m just against the way it’s done.
About the kids… yes, men aren’t always actively involved. Especially where we have two and three servants or helpers… it falls either on the mother or them… so that’s their argument. Get more helpers and you’ll manage 🙈
Definitely not the solution I feel… just my thoughts 💭
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Mmmh love the interesting topics here!!! Can’t wait to see how this goes. Our Indian mindset is hectic lol. 2 uncles from our distant family took another wife and yoh the gossip. When we read incidents of sahaba it feels so normal. Age,cast, divorced,widowed, second, third or fourth, with children or not, nothing mattered…everyone was taken care of. On one hand I feel really sorry for girls my age that are widowed. Some with 2 or 3 kids and I think gosh what if that was me. Not everyone has brothers or fathers to look after them, do school rounds, take the sons masjid etc. On those grounds I say i wouldn’t mind if my husband has to take another wife but also…if it actually happens😬probably easier said then done😁
Sooo excited to see Fareeha. Loved the crazy family!! Brought back memories..I always loved saliha. She was so simple and loving. Love how you touching about fitness and letting yourself go. Needed to hear that right now. Any simple but effective tips on how to shed those extra kgs after all the kids
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Hehe, yes, that’s so true about the sahaba. But then again, that’s why they were the sahaba, they were beyond piety… May Allah make us like them … have that same fikr that they had..
Fitness… ah yes, it’s a constant battle and especially during the holidays we lose touch with the previous dietary goals.
I would say maybe some light exercise routines, along with a reasonable eating plan (I cannot diet but I do try and avoid too much sugar) which is the best way to shed the kilos. Just be consistent.
And if you have a particularly sweet tooth try lemon water or even cinnamon which cuts it immediately.,, I promise it works
All the best xx
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Shew girl. You just opened a can of very wriggly worms
All of the above comments are so true
This is generally the typical Asian mindset too
I’m not sure how it is in other countries
But the reasons nowadays all seem to be twisted and far from how it was done at the time of the sahaba
Men run after beauty and lust nowadays
My opinion is that we can’t challenge it since it’s something halal and who are we to go against the word of Allah
However things have to be done correctly and I believe we women aren’t stuck either
If we feel it’s not our cup of tea we are always welcome to back out
Because until you are in that situation you don’t actually know how you will feel
I tell my husband that if it happens now, I will definitely back out as I can’t maintain my emotional state with young kids. I can’t deal with his drama. I need to keep my emotional state strong to bring up my kids
But…. If the need arises in the future, when the kids are much older
Then I hope Allah puts mercy in all our hearts
I’m definitely not someone who has a strong heart to deal with those matters
Some women , Allah just gives them the strength Masha Allah
But just because it is halal, i feel women need to be aware of when they are being oppressed too and that they don’t have to be in oppressing situations in the name of sabr- when they are being made to go batshit crazy by the man
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I think our mindset is the same
No one wants to share 👅
This is true, men are always chasing something better but we can’t oppose it because it’s Allah’s law
Another good friend also suggested that men be taught how to do it, instead of just going about it their own way.
But then again, can you imagine the woman’s reaction when their husband attends a Bayaan on this aspect? 🙈
Inna lillahi… 👅
Aameen, completely agree… a strong and sound heart that is accepting and is able to accept this when it happens 💕
The last line… I feel you my friend … hahahaha
This is when they need to take a step back and say enough is enough. Women are not meant to be trampled upon and men are sometimes so dam selfish, man
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السلام علیکم ورحمة الله وبركاته
Loving the comeback of all the older characters
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Wslm dear sister, Jhee it’s pretty nostalgic 🤍
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Ooh, جزاك الله خيرا for the update. This is a can of worms, I’d like to see opened ,because I think it’s something we need to be more accepting of
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السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
All you needed ,was to bring this topic up, to get all the comments coming. lol
Just to clarify men didn’t marry just the destitute and widowed, that’s a very noble intention from the man’s side…but men have been commanded to take 2nd, 3rd and 4th wives if they have excess desire and are not satisfied with one woman. Now don’t get me wrong it’s totally incorrect to go the man to go ‘looking’ for another wife, it should be done according to the shariah (as our author is going to show us ان شاءالله) Why we cannot accept it, is due to the brainwashing of the west, “if your husband wants another wife YOU aren’t enough”, rather it is just that HE needs more…
Anyways we all hope that ‘My husbands doesn’t need more and that they are satisfied with just Me’ that is only human, ohhh we love to be possessive. Also if a man has to take an unmarried woman as his second wife there is nothing wrong, perhaps it would be easier to deal with a man taking a widow as a second wife coz that’ll make us seem noble……lol
Special Du’aas that all the husbands out there are totally satisfied and contented with their wife’s ( I put the apostrophe to show singular) and that we can keep them so busy(not with complaining and all)… that they won’t even need to consider another woman.
Enough of my blabbing …….
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Wslm dear sister,
Hehe, lol, yes, it definitely gets people a little worked up …
Especially the part about man desiring more… and then I supposed women can’t understand because we have not been created this way. I actually never looked at it this way… but you are correct because it is because of this that many men take more than one wife in this day and age.
I’m also making special duaas. As common as it is, it’s not always easy to accept and like every man is different, every woman is too …
Shukran so much for your comment .., likes and the blabbing too 👅 jj..
Wslm wr wb… 💖
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Wa’alaikum Salam warahmathullahi wabarakathuh
Woah. This comment totally made me depressed because it’s so so true
It was an argument from my husband one time that they desire more
99.9% of men do desire more 🤭
Most just don’t have the means to maintain more
Why though, can’t they just wait and get the hoors in jannah
By then I’d be more than happy to hand him over 😃
In dunya – I don’t want to think of that bridge until and unless we come to it
It just takes my weak mind to unpleasant places
Like you said may Allah put more and more love between us and help us keep them busy insha Allah
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Aameen to that 💕
Men are always desiring more. I mean, you can be giving them what they want most of the time (it’s impossible to every time but you get my drift) 👅
But still they want more
After all, we understand each other’s temperaments better than any man… whoever he is
oh I also forgot to say جزاك الله خيرا for such a lovely looooooooong post 💕
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Aaameen … May it be beneficial… 💕
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Even in our culture, we mind when men can’t look after their wife and they try to hunt for more.
Waiting to see what’s next
Hope Hamzah and Mos figure out their mess
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Unfortunately this is reality
But they don’t see it this way 🙈
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This topic yoh… Unfortunately many men make nikaah secretly and go about finding the wife the haraam way and that’s wrong, obviously the 1st wife will be hurt because of the way he found her.
Getting a 2nd wife isn’t haraam but I always tell my husband it’s not allowed for him and if he gets a second wife I’m gonna cut her whole head off🙈 and write with blood next to her ‘Deserved to die.’
Furthermore whenever he says he wants to be a millionaire, I tell him I’m contented with little coz at least he can’t get a 2nd wife lol.
I’m not against polygamy, but as women we have emotions, men should be considerate about it especially since wives do wayyy more than we’re supposed to. Most men can’t even lift a plate and women are like servants seeing to everything which has its rewards of course but still its more than what’s required.
Also I can’t imagine working whole day at home, looking after kids and going to bed lonely with no one to talk to and unwind before a peaceful night’s sleep🙈
I guess we women are just very emotional and ATTACHED, it’s hard to share someone you love.
I know some women say they want a cowife so they can get a break from their naggy husband’s but for me I’d rather tolerate the nagging lol
Most men nowadays aren’t even fair in polygamy, they can’t even give one wife her rights properly, where are they going to give 2 wives their rights?
For example, it’s a wife’s right to see her parents, how is a man going to take all 4 wife’s? His going to shirk on someone’s right
Also men must remember more wives equals more in laws and not all in laws are amazing.
Polygamy is a huge responsibility I feel and men aren’t all capable of filling the responsibility.
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I was killing Myself when I read your comment. Lol.
Yes you are right, very attached and very possessive. I just pray to have that kind of strength and sabr that those women who go through it do. Some of them are sterling examples
Men must know what they getting themselves into and if they can’t be fair, they shouldn’t get into it.. period.
Shukran so much for your comment, dear sister, we really missed you ❤️